August 25, 2005
Wisdom from Peace #1
Say what you want about the internal combustion engine, driving in the car with my children has provided a spectrum of interesting moments. Peace is ten now and it is interesting to listen to him as his brain is going through it's next series of changes. He is busy tackling some of life's oldest and biggest philosophical conundrums and he really doesn't see why people have had such a hard time with them over the years. So far he has the tree falling in the forest thing figured out, as well as the chicken and the egg controversy. I throw in a comment or insight here and there, but mostly I just let him enjoy the satisfaction of feeling like he has the world figured out. His little womb of intellectual warmth and security will rip itself open soon enough.
Yesterday, as we drove to my sister's home we had the following approximate conversation:
"Mom, I was thinking today that our family is in the perfect spot."
"Really?" I replied. "What do you mean by perfect spot."
"Well," he said, "we're not rich and we're not too poor."
"And why is it good not to be those things?"
"Rich people don't have any problems and people who are too poor have too many problems. We don't have too much money but we're not too poor, so we have just enough problems to keep us going."
Hmmmmm. I don't think I could have said it much better myself. I'm going to call Alan Greenspan tomorrow.
Posted by swift at 10:04 PM
June 19, 2005
A Decade In...I Have Arrived.
I became a parent 10 years and about a month ago; May 25, 1995. I hope that next year I'll finally have time to journal through those years and the path of parenthood I've been on. It would be kind to say that at times I've been ambivalent about being a parent. It intimidates me. It scares me. It drives me to new levels of humility. Often I wish I hadn't gone that direction.
Yesterday, yet again, Peace sliced away the excess fat of my parenting neurosis. With strength and sincerity he reordered my priorities and refocused my perspective. I'm just glad I was smart enough to listen.
Posted by swift at 6:10 AM
April 6, 2004
Too Much Soul
My peace boy has a soul too huge for his eight year old body. What do I say to my child who is upset both because he is being bullied and because the bully is in trouble for bullying him? Peace boy just wants, well, peace. He wants everyone to play nicely. He wants all the third graders to treat each other with respect. He wants the boys to stop chasing the girls and the girls to stop chasing the boys. He wants everyone to get along. "Why is that so hard Mom?" How do I answer that? "Because that's just the way things are." That is just so completely and totally lame.
He and I were sitting on the couch tonight watching the news. The story was somthing or other about a foiled terrorist plot in London that had to do with spreading toxic industrial chemicals amongst the innocent (?) public. I shook my head and said, "What is wrong with people?" He shook his head and said, "I know what you mean." Sadly, I think he already does.
Almost constanly throughout my life I've wondered why I am the way I am. Why I had such an old soul at such a young age. Why there has always been so much struggle in me, so much ache, so much stumbling, so much confusion, so much darkness, so much work to get to this degree of normalcy and strength. I have asked myself many times in the last few years, "What in the hell is the freaking point?????"
Is peace boy the point? Because if he is, then that would be so perfectly beautiful. If somehow I could just hang on to this normal, get a little stronger, a littler more sane. If somehow I could aid him in his struggle, soothe his ache, help him when he stumbles, provide some focus in his confusion, light a candle in the darkness. If I can do those things for him then maybe he'll have the energy and peace of mind to take his oversized soul and let it loose. Maybe peace boy will be able to figure out how to help the boys quit chasing the girls. Maybe peace boy will figure out how to get what he wants. He just wants everyone to get along.
Posted by swift at 2:00 AM