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April 6, 2004
Too Much Soul
My peace boy has a soul too huge for his eight year old body. What do I say to my child who is upset both because he is being bullied and because the bully is in trouble for bullying him? Peace boy just wants, well, peace. He wants everyone to play nicely. He wants all the third graders to treat each other with respect. He wants the boys to stop chasing the girls and the girls to stop chasing the boys. He wants everyone to get along. "Why is that so hard Mom?" How do I answer that? "Because that's just the way things are." That is just so completely and totally lame.
He and I were sitting on the couch tonight watching the news. The story was somthing or other about a foiled terrorist plot in London that had to do with spreading toxic industrial chemicals amongst the innocent (?) public. I shook my head and said, "What is wrong with people?" He shook his head and said, "I know what you mean." Sadly, I think he already does.
Almost constanly throughout my life I've wondered why I am the way I am. Why I had such an old soul at such a young age. Why there has always been so much struggle in me, so much ache, so much stumbling, so much confusion, so much darkness, so much work to get to this degree of normalcy and strength. I have asked myself many times in the last few years, "What in the hell is the freaking point?????"
Is peace boy the point? Because if he is, then that would be so perfectly beautiful. If somehow I could just hang on to this normal, get a little stronger, a littler more sane. If somehow I could aid him in his struggle, soothe his ache, help him when he stumbles, provide some focus in his confusion, light a candle in the darkness. If I can do those things for him then maybe he'll have the energy and peace of mind to take his oversized soul and let it loose. Maybe peace boy will be able to figure out how to help the boys quit chasing the girls. Maybe peace boy will figure out how to get what he wants. He just wants everyone to get along.
Posted by swift at April 6, 2004 2:00 AM