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November 23, 2003
Mabuhai!
Recently attended my in-law's 50th anniversary party in Honolulu. During the party, my husband (Filipino-American) asked me (5'9" 200+ lb Euro-Mutt White Woman), "Now, you're telling me you feel perfectly comfortable here??"
My answer. "YES." After 15 years of being together he still doesn't get it? I guess it would be hard for anyone to understand unless they lived in my "skin". I've never fit in anywhere. The constant moving, the childhood trauma and mental illness, the long-term social ineptitude. I never settled in anywhere with anyone. I never identified with any group. I'm a drifter. Became a shape shifter to survive. Being white and middle class and a military officer's daughter, most of the people I was surrounded with were white and middle class. They were the hardest on me. They were at the base of my humiliation and pain throughout my life. If there is such a thing as "white" culture in the U.S., I've never felt a part of it.
So, drop me in a party in downtown Honolulu with two hundred Filipinos. I'm going to have fun. I'm going to soak in the love baby. I'm going to dance. I'm going to laugh. I'm going to smooch the babies and yell "Mabuhai" along with everyone else. I'll be damned if I'll be uncomfortable in my skin anywhere anymore.
Posted by swift at November 23, 2003 1:34 AM