Authentic Tea Party Quotes, Unexpurgated

DISCLAIMER: Again, I have chosen to maintain the anonymity of each speaker in the following quotations. I will say that there were five people present - most of them contributing to the dialogue - not counting the animals.

Heard from the next room:

"I WON'T wear a scarf!" he shouted.

Observing the state of the jewels:

"You're dropping pooka shells everywhere, Honey," she said wearily.

Despite the fact that they were tiny and ceramic:

"I am not in the MOOD for pancakes," he grumbled.

After complaining endlessly about his wardrobe:

"Is it time for TEA???" he screamed.

As it seemed obvious by this time, anyway:

"Mrs. Crumpet is a BITCH," she remarked.

As someone else added to their costume (which already consisted, among other things, of a combination of a hot pink sequined tutu and a shirt made of African tribal fabric) he commented irritably:

"I don't think that goes."

After more belligerent demands for immediate service of the tea:

"Mrs. Crumpet is a DRUNKEN WHORE," she said, then immediately clamped her hand over her mouth."That didn't come out right," she explained.

A tad later:

"Humph," she stated. "Just wait 'til I write about this in my gossip column!"

Later still:

"Next time I'll tie him to a chair with a negligee," she said thoughtfully.

INTERLUDE: Yelling, laughter, an asthma attack resulting from pure cantankerousness, animals wearing clothes, and a water fight.

Believe it or not:

"Thank you ever so much for the tea," he said sulkily, with a slight attempt at an English "effete snob" accent.

"We should have tea more often," she exclaimed cheerfully.