Am NOT!

A while ago, when I acquired a second kitten, a friend of mine sent me a link to this item from Archie McPhee:

Crazy Cat Lady Action Figure

I thought it was funny; I'm an Archie McPhee fan and it's a very clever send-up. Then he sent me a link to "CATPRIN, a tailor for cats." I thought this was VERY funny. I especially like the introductory text and the instructions:

CATPRIN, a tailor for cats. Ever imagined dressing up your lovely cat into a fabulous beauty? You don't have to dress her everyday, in fact she might not feel comfortable with a dress on for days. Just dress her up only on special occasions like her birthday, takes a photo and that should leave you lots of memories and fantasies.

Dress me up! Please! Meow.....

Have fun with CatPrin

• 1. Dress her up. Cheer or yell, do whatever you like to enjoy the moment with your family.
• 2. After you are enough with your joy, take a photo! Take some poses and leave her some cute photos!
• 3. Remove her clothes and give her a hub, say "Thank you!"

Don't forget to "hub" her! Otherwise, how will she know you "are enough with your joy?" Here is one of my favorite CatPrin outfits (with description):

Leopard's Hat and Shawl, 5,300 Yen

Wow! Kind of scary! Am I? Cute cat becomes gorgeous and wild leopard! A single shawl acts as a foppish muffler as well. The back of both the hat and the shawl are textures of tartan check, velcrod, and can be attached or detached easily.

I need to look into this revolutionary new fastener - "velcrod." Japanese technology is always so far ahead of the rest of the World.

Here's one more choice ensemble and description:

Anne's Housekeeper Package, 3,800 Yen

A Cat with long red hair!? Here comes the Star of the masterpiece "Anne of Green Gables"!

Let her play the leading role in the masterpiece "Anne of Green Gables"! Isn't her coquettish red hair cute? Let's give her a broom and this lady with little red hood , is likely to start cleaning up your room. :-) The country-tone blouse are made of the same material as the hood, presenting a consistency in the appearance. The yellow flower in the center of the collar is impressive as well! All ornaments are velcrod and can be attached or detached easily.

Ha ha! What fun! But, at some point, the insecurity begins creeping in. Am I turning into a "Crazy Cat Lady?" Yes, I talk to my cats. Yes, I cuddle and hug my cats and kiss them on their little heads. Yes, I made each of my cats her own little hand-crocheted afghan. Yes, they own about five hundred toys. Yes, I do bathe them occasionally. Yes, indeed, I do call them my "kitten children."

Nevertheless, I've given it considerable thought, and I've decided that, though I'm clearly a "crazy lady," I am NOT a "Crazy Cat Lady." These are the reasons I protest a designation as "Crazy Cat Lady:"

• I only have two cats. As you can clearly see, according to the action figure, you must have at LEAST six cats to be a "Crazy Cat Lady."
• Neither of my cats is a feral cat. "Crazy Cat Ladies" rescue feral cats. In fact, they usually assimilate enough of these felines that they probably couldn't tell you exactly how many cats they actually HAD. On Animal Cops or Animal Precinct they'd call a "Crazy Cat Lady" a "collector."
• A "Crazy Cat Lady" would also have difficulty telling you how many cats she "owned" because she won't have managed to spay or neuter all her felines, so her household cat population will regularly increase exponentially. You see this all the time with "collectors" on Animal Cops or Animal Precinct. BeBe and Fiona have both been spayed.
• Neither of my cats are outdoor cats or even indoor/outdoor cats. They have beds and such and oodles of playthings and stay inside.
• I am not blond. The official "Crazy Cat Lady" action figure is clearly blond.
• I do NOT wear my bathrobe all the time. I plead the Fifth on the issue of the pajamas.
• A "Crazy Cat Lady" would not name her cats "Beatrice Alessandra Gatto" and "Fiona Maura MacArthur." Her cats would be named "Sparky" and "Oreo" and at least one of them would be missing an eye, a leg, a tail, or two or more of the aforementioned body parts.

And now, the ultimate tool has been provided by Archie McPhee. I took the "ARE YOU A CRAZY CAT PERSON?" quiz thoughtfully provided with their item description of the "Crazy Cat Lady Action Figure." Here are my results:

See? I am NOT a "Crazy Cat Lady!"

Can you get more scientific than that? Not only has this test definitively confirmed that I am NOT a "Crazy Cat Lady," apparently, I am not crazy at all! What a relief!

Sheesh - all the money I've wasted on therapy! Then again, perhaps counseling has prevented the possibility of my "someday" qualifying...