Kate's Holiday Gift Ideas


Kate's Holiday Gift Ideas du Jour As I've mentioned previously, my Mother receives almost every possibly conceivable catalog in the known Universe. And for catalogs, official "Holiday" season started a month or two ago; these means my Mom gets between five and ten catalogs a day (this is rather a conservative estimate). I thought I could provide a useful service to those who haven't access to such a cornucopia of Holiday gift ideas. And I shan't waste time with the commonplace, mundane and ordinary type of gift; I shall aspire to provide you with unusual, extraordinary and, yes, even bizarre ideas. So here begins the 2005 Holiday Season Gift ADVENTURE.



Holiday Gift Idea #18
	Blobbies I've been dreadfully remiss and it's a tragedy and all that, blah blah blah. You might take a look at these handy gift idea sites, instead. They are a many things that this site is NOT, foremost being SUCCINCT. Blobby Farm Gift Ideas Tiny Pineapple Gift Ideas But, as I mention in my blog entry, being Blobsessed, I insist on expounding regarding the UTTER PERFECTION of the Blobby as a gift idea. For instance, every year my Mom chooses a gift for the women of the family – some sort of item of apparel – slippers, shirts, pajamas, bathrobes, etc. – she’s really run the gamut. Last year, I managed to convince her that Blobbies made excellent head gear. So I got to choose a Blobby for each woman in the family! I chose a number of them from the excellent selection always available from the Blobby Farmers, and was delighted to get a few custom requests, too. They were a HUGE hit, naturally. My Grandmother keeps her Blobby ON HER BED – an honour only afforded to The Earl of Chunk 1 (her Blobby) and two small stuffed dogs (which are memorials to her seventeen-year-old poodle who passed away last year). And, as I also mentioned in my blog entry, now the OFFICIAL Blobby Farm is open. Perhaps I should start with a FEW basics. What is a Blobby? In the words of Blobby Farmers Maria and Chris: Blobbies are. . . well, they're. . . uh, blobby little things. They are not intended to represent other animals or things (although there are some cats, tigers, and pigs floating around), but to be a nice alternative to all the literal toys out there. Blobbies are made using the best fleece, terry cloth, felt, and polyseter fiberfill we can get our hands on, while still keeping them affordable. Once upon a time, Maria was invited to a baby shower and she wanted to give a gift that no one else would duplicate. Luckily, she has a husband who stays awake in meetings by drawing pictures. One of these pictures, combined with two remnants from the fabric store, turned into the first Blobby: a blue-body and striped-pants wide-mouthed friend for the yet-to-be-born Noah Simiskey. Since then, a vast collection of fleece, felt, terry, faux fur, and other soft fabrics has built up in Maria's sewing room, and more and more of Chris's drawings have gone 3-D and full color. There you have it. And, as I have previously contended, Blobbies are also excellent headgear. You've your choice of three central merchandise categories: Blobbies, Blobby Jr.'s, and Blobby Miscellaneous. This is fairly self-explanatory. Blobbies are the full-sized creatures in all their Blobbulous glory. Blobby Jr.'s are full of smaller Blobbulous glory (as they are...smaller). The Miscellaneous category contains mittens (pictured at the left), bibs, finger puppets and buttons - basically, miscellany. Here's an important fact: YOU HAVE TWO DAYS (INCLUDING TODAY) TO ORDER YOUR BLOBBIES AND RECEIVE THEM BY CHRISTMAS! THERE IS STILL TIME!!! Not only that, but there are FREE things on the Blobby Farm site. For instance, you can peruse the Newbraska Picayune - a very fine periodical in the style of... other fine periodicals. You can even send a festive holiday Blob-e-gram. My personal favorite is Holiday Picnic (you will NEVER see a finer portrayal of Che Guevara by an animated snack cracker), but you could also opt for the brand-new Keep Warm. You can also get free colouring pages AND wallpaper. I'm telling you, BLOBBIES MAKE EVERYONE HAPPY - EVEN ME. Get a Blobby even if it's NOT a festive Holiday gift. You shan't regret it. If nothing else, go and READ THE DESCRIPTIONS of the various Blobbies. They are worth money in and of themselves.



Holiday Gift Idea #17
	Scotch Haggis I believe it's time to jump to the BIG stuff. Let's skip "sweets," "biscuits," specialty preserves - all more standard fare. Let's get to the perfect gift for "extreme eaters": Authentic Scottish Haggis, the National Dish of Scotland: To enjoy Scotland's National Dish one can either trek some 3000 miles across the "pond" or simply open a can of this authentic Scottish haggis. Made from an award-winning recipe that has been passed down for three generations, this traditional blend of lamb, pork, oats, and onion is similar to hash only a lot more versatile. 15 oz. can. Features: Makes a great stuffing, base for canapés, or anytime snack For a true Scottish classic, serve with mashed potatoes and turnips Heat in the microwave and serve Introduce a delicious change of pace to your menu by serving Scottish haggis. $8.95 per can. Oh, YES! Put on yer kilt (and if ye are one, wear it like a MAN - without any nancy underthings), paint yer face blue and EAT SOME HAGGIS! Caledonian Kitchen™: The Gourmet Standard for Traditional Scottish Food in America, based in Texas (?), gives us this valuable serving information: WHAT DO YOU SERVE WITH HAGGIS? Neeps and Tatties: "Neeps and tatties" are Scottish names for rutabagas and potatoes cooked the traditional Scottish way. They serve as the traditional accompaniment to haggis and for good reason - the three dishes go wonderfully well together. The tatties are mashed potatoes, and we recommend using red potatoes, along with lots of sweet butter. (A feast of haggis, neeps, and tatties is not the right occasion to get low-fat crazy. Besides, you should give yourself permission to indulge yourself every once in a while!) Neeps Scottish "neeps" are rutabagas (B. n. napobrassica). The name comes from the Swedish "rotabagge", which is why this vegetable is also called a "Swede" or "Swedish turnip" in England. Absolutely do not use American turnips as a substitute, as the taste simply will not work as well. To prepare the neeps, peel a fresh rutabaga and cut into 1" cubes. Boil, drain, and whip them into a frenzy with some salt, pepper, and ,of course, butter. If you have trouble finding rutabaga of any description in your supermarket, we have some excellent canned rutabaga available at the Caledonian Kitchen. Haggis, a Breakfast of Champions: At many Bed and Breakfast establishments in Scotland, haggis is served for breakfast as a part of the wonderful "Full Scottish Breakfast". You can usually find eggs, porridge, bacon, haggis, black pudding, kippers, tomatoes, scones, pastries, toast, as well as all the great jams and marmalades Scotland is famous for in that tremendous breakfast. Additionally, Haggis goes beautifully with scrambled eggs or over toast points on a more continental style of breakfast For Special Occassions, a Special Sauce: Ardvasar HotelOn the Isle of Skye, we have stayed at the Ardvasar Hotel, a 250-year-old former coaching inn on the Sleat Peninsula that offers reasonably priced accommodations, good hospitality, and great food. While there we were introduced to a wonderful sauce as an accompaniment to haggis. Whether or not the sauce is traditional, it is decadently delicious, and we suggest that you try it, as it is really quite simple to make. It consists of heavy whipping cream blended with a small amount of Scotch (enough to suit your own taste), preferably a good single malt. The heavier Islay malts are good for this because you don't have to use as much. This is not a waste of good Scotch! Ideal Finishing Touches: Haggis, neeps, and tatties were NOT the food of nobility. They were prepared and eaten in humble crofts in Scotland. They are the food of the common man, but they also represent the crown jewels of the culinary Folk Art of Scotland. Among the finishing touches to this extraordinary meal would be an oat bread or any other whole grain brown bread. Add a good pint of brown ale such as McEwan's and you'll have a meal our Scottish ancestors would have relished. A bit of tea and homemade Shortbread in front of a fire would be the perfect finish, as well as the prelude to a round of good single malt. Slainte! ! ! Caledonian Kitchen™ is a veritable Haggis wonderland with TWENTY-NINE Haggis-related items. I will get back to this. First, I must point out what seems rather an oxymoron. Here's a description from What On Earth? catalog: Scotch Haggis: It's the traditional Scottish delicacy: a hearty combination of sheep organs minced with oatmeal and flavorings, boiled in the sheep's stomach and served up piping hot. Each can offers a whole authentic 15 oz. haggis. Extreme eaters will also adore Haggis recipes included in our remarkable 34 page cookbook. Haggis $8.95 per can. Cookbook $9.95. Did you catch that? Vegetarian Haggis? Isn't that a contradiction in terms? Do you still boil or steam it in a sheep's stomach, or must you use pleather? I do know several Brit vegetarians (and who can blame them, what with Mad Cow Disease (bovine spongiform encephalopathy), but VEGETARIAN HAGGIS? Some deeper research might provide some insight: HAGGIS - BORN IN THE USA (by Trevor Datson) LONDON (Reuters) - A tiny Scottish firm has teamed up with a U.S. company to start the first industrial-scale production in America of Scotland's national dish -- haggis. Stahly Quality Foods, which employs just four people in the industrial new town of Glenrothes, believes the joint venture with a Chicago-based food processor can move 300,000 tins of the offal-based delicacy in its first year. The estimated 10 million Scots and people of Scottish descent that live in North America offer an appetizing market. But founder Ken Stahly's first venture into the United States was crushed by an import ban following the British foot-and-mouth disease outbreak of 2001. "We were constantly getting e-mails and calls asking 'How can we get haggis over here?', Stahly said, as the Scottish diaspora across the globe prepares to toast the national bard Robbie Burns with haggis and whisky on January 25. The U.S. launch is proving expensive for the firm. "It's cost us a fortune so far -- the lawyers were charging us $290 an hour just to draft things like confidentiality agreements that will hopefully just sit in a drawer. But the potential is huge," Stahly said. Haggis is prepared in a sheep's stomach and is steamed or baked and served hot, but can also be revived when cold with a dash of scotch. Stahly will initially be offering two varieties from the Chicago plant -- traditional and vegetarian. The recipes, like the identity of the U.S. partner, are a closely guarded commercial secret, but most traditional haggis contains liver, heart, tripes, oatmeal, suet and spices. It also traditionally contains "lights," or lungs. But "mad cow disease," or bovine spongiform encephalopathy (BSE), which can be transferred to humans as variant Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease (vCJD), put a stop to that in commercial haggis production as lungs are deemed "high risk material." HAGGIS HUNT: All of the ingredients used in the Chicago plant will be sourced locally to avoid U.S. import restrictions on British meat products -- the irony being that BSE most recently recurred in the United States. Marketing could, however, prove a challenge. A recent poll of 1,000 U.S. visitors to Scotland, by haggis makers Hall's of Broxburn, found that 33 percent believed a haggis was an animal hunted in the highlands. But Stahly has launched a haggis recipe book which the founder hopes will spread the word among American consumers, along with trade shows and exhibitions,. If the venture proves a success, Stahly hopes to expand the range, possibly in conjunction with a Scotch whisky company. The marketing synergies are potentially huge. But so are the bureaucratic pitfalls. Three years after U.S. customs returned a batch of Stahly's Scottish-produced haggis on foot-and-mouth fears, British customs authorities turned back a trial case sent from Chicago. So is "Vegetarian Haggis" developed particularly for an American Audience? NO, actually. MacSween: The Haggis Specialists are considered the "inventors" of vegetarian Haggis: How did it all get started? A CHALLENGE WAS ISSUED by the Scottish Poetry Library for their opening ceremony in 1984 - Would Mr Macsween make a vegetarian haggis? A satisfactory recipe was devised and widespread interest after the event, encouraged production on a commercial scale. The vegetarian haggis was launched on the market to cries of horror and amazement - the poems and letters are still flowing and it is now 'Vegetarian Society Approved'. Unfortunately, we cannot get MacSween Haggis, considered a "premier" Haggis, in the US because of the aforementioned import restrictions. So let's get back to Caledonian Kitchen™. It appears that "The Laird O Tha Haggis resides in the Dallas, Texas area while his busy Factors [Factories?] warehouse and ship from Natchitoches, Louisiana." One of their twenty-nine Haggis-related items is the Caledonian Kitchen™ "Presentation Haggis Kit:" Presentation Haggis Kit: Stuff, steam and serve! The perfect alternative to our fresh frozen haggis at almost half the price! "...Great chieftain o the puddin'- race!" Haggis was exalted by the immortal Robert Burns, and - presented in its traditional form - it continues to be the subject of tribute at Burns' Night celebrations and other Scottish gatherings. Salute it at your own tribute to the Bard of Scotland. Our Presentation Haggis Kit contains almost 6 pounds of tinned Caledonian Kitchen Haggis and the same fibrous casing as our frozen haggis and contains 30 3-oz servings. Stuff, steam and serve! Perfect for the guests at your next event! Easy to follow preparation instructions are included with each order. $47.94 per kit. Wow. We all should do a "Burn's Night" now (FYI: January 25^th). I'm told you get to "greet the Haggis," recite poetry, and get smashed with excellent Scotch Whiskey. Caledonian Kitchen™ carries a HUGE selection of tinned Haggis (vegetarian and beef - wait - beef?), but they also offer gift sets such as: Hogmanay Gift Set: Celebrate Hogmanay, the Scottish New Year, with the Caledonian Kitchen! "Hogmanay is celebrated on 31st December every year, usually in a most exuberant fashion. In Scotland, particularly in more remote parts, customary first footing and Scottish dances, or ceilidhs (pronounced "kayli"), take place. As they have for centuries, fire ceremonies -- torch light processions, fireball swinging and lighting of New Year fires -- played an important part in the Hogmanay celebrations. In the modern tradition, groups of friends or family get together and do a tour of each others' houses. Each year, a household takes it in turn to provide a meal for the group. In many parts of Scotland gifts or "Hogmananys" are exchanged after the turn of midnight." Our gift set includes our famous Caledonian Kitchen Highland Beef Haggis, Edinburgh Preserves' Scottish Haggis Sauce and those always difficult to find "Neeps"! All you provide are the tatties, wine or a wee dram of whisky, or the traditional Het Pint, which is a combination of ale, nutmeg and whisky! $14.99 Sounds utterly (udderly?) festive. I've really got to try Haggis. After all, like I've said, after you've eaten chicken feet most anything seems possible. Other Haggis sources include Scottie's British Pantry (in Florida???): Stahly Quality Foods Tinned/Canned Vegetarian Haggis 15oz/425g: Stahly Quality Foods produce a range of haggis which are kept "whole" within a tin. This results in a traditional dish which retains its visual image with the advantage of a three year shelf life under ambient conditions and can be enjoyed year round and world wide. Drambuie liqueur is added to the traditional Scotch haggis to produce a taste of Scotland fit for the connoisseur. Please note that our American haggis is skinless. As the number of vegetarians at home and abroad continue to steadily increase, they need not miss out on the Scottish National dish. The Vegetarian haggis combines fine Scottish ingredients, including oatmeal, with a mixture of vegetables and herbs to produce a tasty alternative for non meat eaters. $8.19 per tin. Also, the Celtic Isles Shop (located in Ohio) offers the regular and vegetarian Stahly tinned Haggis for $5.75 per can: Traditional Skinless Haggis Made with the Finest Ingredients: Prepared in the U.S.A. for Stahly Quality Foods, Fife, Scotland KY6 2RU. (We're told this is a first for a Scottish food prepared outside Scotland.) Serving Suggestions: Traditionally, haggis is eaten with mashed potatoes and turnip. For ultimate enjoyment this dish should be washed down with a glass of Scotch Whiskey (we can't sell alcohol, our town is dry!). The Celtic Isles Shop also gives us a lovely page of "Haggis Myths," if you're interested. I think that covers it for now. Only one last suggestion: I think that this T-shirt is the appropriate attire to don when eating or serving Haggis.



Holiday Gift Idea #16
	Batchelors Mushy Peas Call me crazy (certainly wouldn't be the first time), but I think I would really LOVE this item. Here's the Vermont Country Store description: England's All-Time Favorite Side Dish, Mushy Peas: In England fish-and-chips is best enjoyed with a traditional side of mushy peas. Now you can try the Brits' favorite side dish thanks to these authentic mushy peas imported from Great Britain. Made from a unique dried pea not available in the U.S., this satisfying side dish tastes a lot like split pea soup, only subtler in flavor so as to complement and not detract from the main dish. 10.6 oz. can. Features: Serve as a side dish with any of your favorite meals Heat on the stove or in the microwave If you're a big fan of split pea soup, then you must give these mushy peas a try. Only $8.95 for three cans. Peas are my FAVOURITE! And these peas are "unique" and "not available in the U.S." so they are EXOTIC! Well, to tell the truth, it looks like you can buy Mushy Peas at The London Market for $1.53 a can, so I guess you CAN get them in the U.S. However, they are still IMPORTED and therefore still EXOTIC. EXOTIC must be spelled in call UPPERCASE letters to capture it's essence, of course. Unsurprisingly, BritishDelights.com sells Mushy Peas as well: Batchelors Mushy Peas: Description: Mushy peas are dried marrowfat peas which have been soaked overnight and then boiled. Mushy peas are a great favourite of the north of England and are a traditional accompaniment to fish and chips. Price: $2.49 I am now seriously craving something that I have NEVER TASTED IN MY LIFE. Mushy peas honestly sound delicious to me. Anyone know a place with decent Fish n' Chips?



Holiday Gift Idea #15
	Cheese Fruit Accompaniments Yes, it's still Anglophile Culinary Week! Or weeks... Just live with it. I still haven't reached some of my most very favourite items! But today we have some WONDERFUL ones, because they ALL have to do with CHEESE! WONDROUS CHEESE!!! I won't actually feature any cheese, itself, as you can usually find a decent cheese monger and get some great cheese from the U.K. locally (from superb "farmhouse" cheddars, Wensleydale, Sage Derby - a personal favourite, to Dorset Blue Vinney). I've opted instead for the "accompaniments" from Old Durham Road: English Country Living: Cheese Fruit Accompaniments: Fruit toppings to compliment your favourite cheese as an appetizer, desert, or with afternoon tea; it's good food. 4oz. Damson Plum, Fig, Lime & Chili or Quince. $10.50 each. Of course one needs an elegant cheese "vehicle," too: Crackers: A cheese tray is oft times the final course to an English dinner, along with digestifs. These crackers are formulated to compliment different degrees of cheese sharpness. 5.3 oz. Choose from Natural Crackers - Delicate Cheese. Charcoal Crackers - All Cheese. Whole Meal Crackers - Sharp Cheese. $5.95 per box. I admit, "charcoal" sounds like a dubious cracker choice (being used to light fires and pump stomachs and whatnot), but if you call it a "digestif" instead of a cracker, then it suddenly gains many positive cuisine points (there's a system, you know). I think even "pond scum digestifs" might rate one or two cuisine points. I have saved the VERY best for last. You cannot eat it, I grant you, and it costs $46.50 (plus shipping), but one should have proper serving implements for their cheeses, cheese fruit accompaniments AND various digestifs: Cheesemonger Plate: "Purveyors to Kings, Queens and Discerning Mice, Thomas Moon and Sons, Cheesemonger, est 1890" is portrayed on this ceramic cheese serving plate imported from England. Based on an actual store, a Cheesemonger is one who trades in cheese, in case you did not know. Can be used for cake, pizza and more. Heavy duty ceramic. 13" dia. It has DANCING MICE on it, for crying out loud! And it makes witty remarks about them! Too good.



Holiday Gift Idea #14
	Chivers Hartley Gooseberry Jam I realize that I desperately need to step up the pace with my Holiday Gift Ideas; shopping days are disappearing right and left! Nevertheless, I have just one little treat for today (another Vermont Country Store find): Tart Up Your Toast with Chivers Hartley Gooseberry Jam: On our travels in England, we finally found the gooseberry jam you requested. Ours is made by Chivers Hartley, whose name stands for quality. Gooseberries are a tart and fragile fruit that makes tangy preserves, cookie or tart fillings, and sauces. The plant grows best in the British Isles because of the latitude and climate. 11.9 oz. glass jar. Features: Contains 45% fruit Gooseberries are rare in the States because of warm summers Two jars for $11.90 (plus shipping) Tangy gooseberry jam is made by Chivers Hartley, the premier condiment firm in the U.K. since 1873. I was attracted to this item for two reasons. The first, "Tart up Your Toast" is a very clever double entendre. Secondly, so help me, I just like saying GOOSEBERRIES a lot. Gooseberries, GOOSEBERRIES, GOOOOSEBERRIES!!!!! It reminds me of Carol Channing and "Raaaaaspberries!" in Thoroughly Modern Millie. Oh - and thirdly (wait - THREE reasons - no one expects the Spanish Inquisition?) - sorry - I LOVE to learn. And now I have stowed away this tidbit of erudition in my unusually gigantic cranium: Chivers Hartley has been the premier condiment firm in the U.K. since 1873. I shall try to fit it into a conversation post-haste! "Speaking of condiments [which one does so often], did you know that Chivers Hartley has been the premier condiment firm in the U.K. since 1873?" Yes, fascinating. Even though (from this image, at least) this jam looks somewhat like ectoplasm (45% fruit, 55% ectoplasm?), I think we all should "TART UP OUR TOAST!" GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSEBERRY!!!!!!!!!!!!



Holiday Gift Idea #13
	Lismore® Waterford® Dish (With Marmalade) I've sort of leaked into the second installment of Anglophile Culinary Week! It's just that there are SUCH culinary depths to be plumbed from the British Isles. As a counterpoint to my last admittedly gloomy Gift Idea, and because it is Thanksgiving (not that it has all that much to do the UK, except a few unfortunate - and significant - connections), I suggest we be ever-so-thankful that the Irish Potato Famine is long over, and that currently Ireland's economy is robust - lots of jobs available (we shan't quibble over any long-standing issues of religious/civil war at the moment). So, in contrast to the depths of poverty, I offer a some luxury from Cashs of Ireland: LISMORE® DISH WITH MARMALADE:* What a perfect 5" dish for a variety of uses ...jams, nuts, candies! Cashs sends it with a free 8 oz. jar of special Irish marmalade. New gift set for Fall 2005. Postage Free. $45 and no shipping charge! And, if you can, take a closer look at that marmalade; it's made from thin-cut Seville Oranges and has whiskey in it. Hurrah for decadence! About the Lismore® design: [It is] perhaps the most famous and collected Waterford design ever made. Its name comes from Lis (meaning fort) and Mor (meaning big). Lismore Castle is stunningly beautiful rising on the hill along the Blackwater River. Marmalade and Waterford - that should make up for potato fungus and despair, right? If you want to read a wee rant on the subject, please visit my "Happy Thanksgiving" Blog entry. Happy Thanksgiving!*



Holiday Gift Idea #12
	Irish Potato Soup I've been very negligent; I needed to spend some quality time with my Grandmother's cat while she is out of town. Thus, I'm going to put desserts aside, just momentarily. Like I said, I'm fond of The Vermont Country Store - it's charm personified. But I have found an item that gives me pause. In and of itself, I'm sure it's very tasty. It's just what it symbolizes in my mind. First of all, I should explain what it is: Traditional Irish Potato Soup, Hearty Goodness in Mere Minutes: Recently we were treated to some of the best Irish potato soup we've ever tasted. We just assumed it came from Ireland, but were pleasantly surprised to learn that it originated a little closer to home, in Maine. Made in a traditional Irish manner, this rich creamy soup is loaded with chunky potatoes and finely chopped celery and onion, and boasts a homemade flavor that will satisfy the staunchest critic. 15 oz. can. Features: * Stick-to-your-ribs goodness * Just add butter, milk or cream, and heat on stove One spoonful and you'll agree it's the best Irish potato soup you've ever had. 3 cans for $9.90 (plus shipping) See, it DOES sound delicious. HOWEVER - I can't look at Irish Potato Soup and NOT think of the Irish Potato Famine (1845 - 1851) during which an estimated million and a half Irish people lost their lives (not to mention the hundreds and thousands of others forced into exile) because of "The Blight." It started as such: THE BLIGHT BEGINS: The Famine began quite mysteriously in September 1845 as leaves on potato plants suddenly turned black and curled, then rotted, seemingly the result of a fog that had wafted across the fields of Ireland. The cause was actually an airborne fungus (phytophthora infestans) originally transported in the holds of ships traveling from North America to England. Winds from southern England carried the fungus to the countryside around Dublin. The blight spread throughout the fields as fungal spores settled on the leaves of healthy potato plants, multiplied and were carried in the millions by cool breezes to surrounding plants. Under ideal moist conditions, a single infected potato plant could infect thousands more in just a few days. The attacked plants fermented while providing the nourishment the fungus needed to live, emitting a nauseous stench as they blackened and withered in front of the disbelieving eyes of Irish peasants. There had been crop failures in the past due to weather and other diseases, but this strange new failure was unlike anything ever seen. Potatoes dug out of the ground at first looked edible, but shriveled and rotted within days. The potatoes had been attacked by the same fungus that had destroyed the plant leaves above ground. Yes, very horrific and depressing and not festive. Therefore, I suppose this is my very first AVOIDANCE Holiday Gift Idea. NO POTATO SOUP FOR THE HOLIDAY! Happy Holidays!



Holiday Gift Idea #11
	Clotted Cream I find it ill-advised to couple any term that can be used with the word "blood" when speaking of food (this includes "blood," itself, therefore I find the idea of "blood pudding" and "blood sausage" rather unappetizing). Hence, "Clotted Cream" sounds vaguely clinical to me. But, despite its special "clotted" texture, theoretically it is quite delicious. Let's see what Old Durham Road: English Country Living has to say: English Clotted Cream: This cream completes your list at our tea shoppe. Just the right texture and sweetness on scones, or use with our jellies. Refrigerate after opening. 5.6oz for $8.50 That's a slightly vague description. BritishDelights.com has MUCH more to say - an entire "Potted History," in fact: "Double Devon Cream" and Clotted Cream: A potted history. Both Devon and Cornwall - counties in the South West of England - are famous for their thick cream, which is mainly produced on farms, and in small dairies. The most famous of all is 'Clotted Cream' which achieves its thick clotted texture by heating cream of high-fat breed cows, such as the Jersey type, in pans, traditionally made of copper but latterly stainless steel, to about 190°f and allowing it to cool slowly. In the farmhouses, the pans were heated crudely over a fire or stove and the cream was rich in acid and aroma-producing bacteria. Dairy or factory methods were much better controlled, using steam heated pans. The cream is usually packed in shallow trays a few inches deep and forms a yellow crusty surface. The consistency is thick and heavy, almost like treacle, and is traditionally served by scooping the cream out into cups or small cartons. Ah - "crusty." Another word that doesn't generally abode well in regards to food ("crusty" bread an exception, I suppose). Nonetheless, BritishDelights.com sells Coombe Abbey Clotted Cream at these rates: 5.6oz, $5.25 and "mini" 1oz, $1.35. Coombe Abbey Double Devon Cream goes for: 16oz, $13.80 and 5.6oz, $5.25. Let's find out more about "Double Devon Cream." The Vermont Country Store (a favorite catalog of mine - always wholly or partially printed in black and white - very charming) says: Two Traditional British Toppings for Scones, Crumpets, More: With just half the calories of butter, Double Devon Cream, made from the purest pasteurized cream, is naturally sweet but won't overpower the taste of fresh fruit at teatime. Clotted Cream, with 60% more cream, is even richer. Or try either delightfully smooth spread straight from the jar instead of whipped creams for jolly desserts. Refrigerate for 12 hours before serving. Each comes in a 5.6 oz. jar. They sell Somderdale Double Devon Cream and Somerdale English Clotted Cream for $9.95 per 5.6oz jar. The London Market carries Double Devon Cream for $6.08 and Clotted Cream for $6.38. They also sell a "large" version of Somerdale Double Devon Cream for $12.40 (extra shipping will be charged because this item is from the "frozen and refrigerated" section). Both these varieties of creams are considered perfect as a topping for - you'll never guess - SPOTTED DICK!!! Perhaps you remember this blurb from Old Durham Road: English Country Living): Spotted Dick: A delicious sponge cake pudding with raisins (spots), in a new microwavable version, just add some of our Devon Custard or clotted cream topping for a tasty desert or tea time snack. 300 grams/ 10 ½ oz You may noticed the mention of "Devon Custard" in the description as another pudding topping. We'll speak of custard (and - if I'm feeling extra ambitious - other English Dessert puddings) in the next entry. One can handle only so much viscous "liquid" in one day. Happy Clots!



Holiday Gift Idea #10
	Marmite I admit, I've never tried Marmite. In the interest of science, I probably should (I have eaten chicken feet at a dim sum restaurant, after all). But I have heard British Ex-patriots YEARN for the stuff. What is it? Old Durham Road: English Country Living tells us: Marmite: Rich in Vitamin B and niacin, Marmite is made from exhausted brewers yeast after the brewing process. A British staple that is spread thinly on toast, used in sandwiches and more, it adds a pungent kick unlike anything else. 125 grams/ 4.4 ounces That is probably why HAVEN'T tried it. They've bottled a brownish-coloured paste made from "exhausted brewers yeast" and suggest that it one spread it on toast. I'm guessing I'd prefer my toast naked. BritishDelights.com has this description: MARMITE is a concentrated yeast extract paste, enjoyed at any time of the day, whether on toast for breakfast, in sandwiches at lunchtime, or as an added ingredient in stews and casseroles. MARMITE spread is 100% vegetarian, but unlike some vegetarian meals, MARMITE provides an excellent source of vitamin B12. This vitamin helps to prevent anaemia. It also contains a good source of Riboflavin and Niacin as well as an excellent source of Folic Acid. MARMITE is good news for the nation's slimmers. It contains virtually no fat or sugar. A single 4g serving amounts to only 9kcal/35kJ typical values. MARMITE has a distinctive savory taste, unlike anything else. It remains a popular food for all the family loved equally by the toddler of the family through to the Grandpa. Anything that has to make quite so much of its vitamin and mineral content - it makes me think of motels that can only advertise themselves as "clean." Then again, it's good for the nation's "slimmers." BritishDelights.com adds: MARMITE is a concentrated yeast extract paste, enjoyed at any time of the day, whether on toast for breakfast, in sandwiches at lunchtime, or as an added ingredient in stews and casseroles. Call me ethnocentric, but I just cannot get over the concept of yeast as an ingredient - a means to an end - not an entrée. Just the same, let's talk price. Old Durham Road carries the 125g jar for $6.95. The London Market carries the 125g size and the 250g size for $4.92 and $9.49, respectively. BritishDelights.com has the 125g jar for $4.30, the 250g size for $9.68, and the whopping one pound (500g) jar for $18.95. Then we have Twiglets. I thought this was a very charming name, but then I read this in Old Durham Road: Twiglets: A British favourite, made of knobby wheat sticks (like a pretzel) impregnated with marmite to give them extra bite and flavor. 125g/ 4.4 oz For only $4.30 (plus shipping) one might enjoy a knobby wheat stick IMPREGNATED with Marmite. BritishDelights.com further expounds: Jacobs twiglets are very unusual snacks. They're shaped, textured and colored like small twigs with the flavor of marmite. Oddly addictive. Jacobs twiglets are quite crunchy. $5.06 "Unusual snacks" that are "oddly addictive" and "quite crunchy." Perhaps in "polite society" this is considered a strong recommendation. If you chance past The London Market, you might ask them. Their Twiglets are $4.50. Now we come to Marmite's Australian cousin, Vegemite. Vegemite - 'as much a part of Australia's heritage as Kangaroos'. Remember spread it thinnnly.... rumor has it that one 4 oz jar is worth over 100 servings. Vegemite dates back to 1922 a young chemist to develop a spread from one of the richest known natural sources of the vitamin B group - Brewers Yeast. $4.15 Thank you ever so much, BritishDelights.com. I find it illuminating that this product was developed by a young CHEMIST - not CHEF - CHEMIST. I could choose here to make a crass remark about the "penal colony mentality," but I shan't. The London Market carries Vegemite, too, for $3.85. So if you are feeling... yeasty (?), wander into The London Market (563 South 700 East, Salt Lake City) or order from the aforementioned UK specialty shoppes online for a trio of items consisting of or "impregnated with" brown goo.



Holiday Gift Idea #9
	Spotted Dick I warned you all (and it was no idle threat): It is Anglophile Culinary Week! While some of you may consider that an oxymoron - I have no response to that. We must start with something TRULY unique and delicious. Also, I must choose something with a really funny name. The obvious answer is Spotted Dick (so help me, Google). While I've not partaken of this delicacy myself (I have given it as a "tasteful" gift several times, however), I have it on good report from AUTHENTIC BRITISH PEOPLE that it is actually quite scrumptious. Here's the catalog entry that reminded me of it (from Old Durham Road: English Country Living): Spotted Dick: A delicious sponge cake pudding with raisins (spots), in a new microwavable version, just add some of our Devon Custard or clotted cream topping for a tasty desert or tea time snack. 300 grams/ 10 ½ oz Old Durham Road sells their Spotted Dick for $5.75 (plus shipping). You can also purchase it online from BritishDelights.com. Their Spotted Dick is $4.95 (plus shipping). If you are lucky enough to be in the Salt Lake City area, you can pick up some Spotted Dick IN PERSON at The London Market, 563 South 700 East (right across the street from Trolley Square). This is where I've purchased Spotted Dick and other delights from the UK; it's a very charming little shoppe (you have to use the "e" here - you just must). You can also get HobNobs biscuits there (they are truly YUMMY - I like the milk chocolate ones). Oh - and their Spotted Dick is only $4.09 (plus Sales Tax). And if you are not in the Salt Lake City area, The London Market sells their wares on the Internet, too - Spotted Dick and all. The whole raisin=spots in Spotted Dick, yet spots=pimples in British vernacular is a conundrum. But that's a puzzle for another time. NOTE: Spotted Dick is NOT to be confused with "Lumpy Dick," which, evidently, is a delicacy from Wyoming (and the proper phrase to use when testing a lavalier microphone). Ask Grettir about "Lumpy Dick."



Holiday Gift Idea #8
	Cell Phone Style Flask I must preface this gift idea by saying it renders me almost speechless (which borders on earth-shattering). Well, it does make me say, "WHAT IN THE HELL?" I was perusing my Mother's MASSIVE catalog recently and saw this item. I KNEW I'd have to use it as one of my gift ideas, but I could not, for the life of me, remember what catalog it was in (and I searched and SEARCHED for it). Gee - could it be that there was nothing in a catalog that would carry a flask disguised as a CELL PHONE that appealed to my Mother and that particular catalog was recycled? I KNEW I could find it on the Internet. And BOY HOWDY I found it on the Internet. There are actually web purveyors who sell this item BY THE DOZEN so you can give it has an "executive gift" to the whole Board of Directors. Indeed, encourage ALL your high-level executives to get hooched-up more often. Then again, while I am by no means a proponent of rampant and/or constant inebriation, I know from experience that meetings in MOST companies would be significantly more entertaining if at least one or two of the attendees was a little squiffy. Whoever takes the minutes should DEFINITELY be three-sheets-to-the-wind; that might make them worth reading. I chose a particular vendor (from the frighteningly long list) for this item, not because of the price (their price is actually rather high at $44.99 plus shipping), but because of what ELSE they sell. This store, called Victoria's House of Accessories (amusing in and of itself), evidently "supplies the widest selection of trendy and fashionable clothing for women and juniors." They also carry fragrance and skin care, home decor items, music boxes galore, a large selection of wedding presents, and higher-end knick-knacks, such as authentic Capodimonte Porcelein. Yet there, amidst the Tealight Fountain, the iPod Nano, and the Dora the Explorer Buenas Noches Doll, is the Cell Phone Style Flask. Perhaps their buyer OWNS and regularly imbibes from the flask. SOMEONE there is plotzed, dipso and/or crapulous, I assure you. Cell Phone Style Flask: Our unique cell phone flask is a fun gift for that hard to buy for executive, or for the person that has everything. The cell phone style flask comes with a black leather case and belt clip that makes it easy to bring with you anywhere. The flask carries 4 ounces and measures 5" from the antenna to the base. The Stainless Steel Flask is specially designed to carry alcoholic drinks. It should not be used for beverages with an acid content, such as fruit juices and cordials. Here's the thing: I've seen A LOT of flasks in Mom's Catalog Library (and a few in real life - though I'm not naming names). They are already designed to be fairly low profile (easy to slip in a pocket or a bag - very unobtrusive). So why not choose something lovely as well? How about a nice piece with a Robert Burn's verse on it, or several beautiful designs of Celtic Birds or a sweet Irish Proverb. NOOOOOO - let's have a flask that looks EXACTLY LIKE A CELL PHONE. The fact that cell phones are ubiquitous these days and folks might find it a wee bit odd that you carry TWO phones - no problem. And they won't think it at all suspicious when they spy you tippling from the a CELL PHONE ANTENNA, nor will they think it's peculiar when they see you try to drink from your actual cell phone. BOTTOMS UP, EVERYBODY!!!



Holiday Gift Idea #7
	Tang Horse Let me dispel any confusion - this is NOT a horse constructed of Tang® Orange-Flavored Drink Mix (the drink mix that went to OUTER SPACE). Rather, a "Tang Horse" is an artifact constructed during China's Tang Dynasty (618-907 AD) or a replica of such an artifact. I should also add that I cannot establish any connection between Tang® Orange-Flavored Drink Mix and China's Tang Dynasty. Go figure. Moreover, I didn't take the time to locate any bona fide Tang Dynasty horses, as I presume they'd be prohibitively expensive. So we'll start with a replica that is, itself, an antique: Chinese Carved Jade Tang Horse: A VERY NICE CARVED JADE REARING BACK HORSE IN THE TANG STYLE.... BOUGHT IN HONG KNOG IN THE 50'S . THERE IS A BASE THAT GOES WITH IT THE SIZE OF THE BASE IS 12 X 4....WAS KEPT IN A STORAGE BOX FOR OVER 35 YRS . NO DAMAGES . JADE IS GREEN WITH STREAKS THOUGH OUT AND THE CARVING DONE VERY NICELY. THE JADE IS HEAVY. 20. S&H TO THE LOWER 48 STATES OUT SIDE THE 48 YOU PAY THE EXTRA.....SORRY WE TAKE CKS. OR M.O.'S ONLY....BECAUSE ALL OF OUR ITEMS ARE USED OR ANTIQUE EVEN AFTER WE CHECK IT OUT AND MARK ALL DAMAGES,ETC. IN GREAT DETAIL WE STILL HAVE TO SELL IT AS IS EVEN IF THE ITEM IS PERFECT...THANKS FOR LOOKING AND GOOD LUCK...GOD BLESS..... It's only $799 USD (plus $20 shipping). Wow - that sounds like a lot. One could think of it this way: It's only 301.023 Bahraini Dinar, 308.414 Omani Rial, or 474.326 Latvian Lats. That, at least, SOUNDS better. Perhaps the non-antique route is a better choice. Here's a lovely item from The Museum Shop of The Art Institute of Chicago: Tang Horse: Typical of the ceramic styles that developed during China's Tang dynasty (618–907), this terra cotta horse is produced from a two-piece cast-plaster mold. Faithful to traditional techniques, the clay is fired and handpainted for the look of true antiquity. Due to the handcrafted nature of this sculpture, no two are alike and the finish will vary. Artwork from the Tang dynasty can be found in our Department of Asian Art. 12" x 12", 3" x 6" base. This item cannot be gift boxed. Only $65 (plus shipping)! Wait - it cannot be gift boxed. I think if you drop more than $50 on any holiday present they should be able to gift box the damn thing. The Smithsonian Catalogue has TWO options, the first is $95 (plus shipping) and the second $150 (plus shipping) or $85.50 (plus shipping) and $135 (plus shipping) if you are a Museum Member: Majestic Tang Dynasty Horse: This stunning ceramic statue is hand painted in a mottled lapis hue. Lightly distressed to replicate the look of an 8th century find, it will take pride of place on mantel or étagère. 13 3/4"h. x 13 1/2"w. x 5 1/2"d. The Majestic Tang Dynasty Horse is Evocative of Tang dynasty funerary equine sculptures included in the Asian ethnological collections, National Museum of Natural History. Tang Horse: Our Tang Horse brings a regal, dignified touch to a mantel or shelf. Cast in brass and finished in a verdigris patina. 9 1/2"h. x 11 1/2"w. Our stately steed displays intricately carved Chinese characters and evokes sculptures in the Asian ethnological collections of our National Museum of Natural History. I see. NO gift wrap for the "Majestic Tang Dynasty Horse" but it is available for the "Tang Horse." Art Schmart - I say. Let's get more "bang" for our buck. "Bang" rhymes with "Tang," after all. Let's try Design Toscano. They have such a unique mix of "Historical Replicas" contrasted with scantily-clad ©"Mistress Fairies," the "crowned seductress" - ©"The Dragon Priestess of Moldar" Sculpture, and the "© No Pausing Pooch": Ancient Tang Horse: (c. 700 AD) Artist unknown. Foundry cast iron atop a solid marble base. Cast directly from an original Chinese antique, our Tang Horse is a museum quality work that echoes ancient dynasties. The most beloved of animals in Chinese art, this fine work is foundry cast iron with an aged patina to be virtually indistinguishable from a bronze. Capturing each symbolic detail of the muscular steed and his trappings, it is mounted atop a solid marble base for proud display in any collection. $49.95 (plus shipping) AND it's a "Design Toscano Exclusive:" A replica crafted by our own artisans available only from us. We are proud of the large number of objects that bear this symbol of exclusivity. Wow - a "symbol of exclusivity." If you peruse through this catalog, you might be tempted to think that some of the items are, perhaps, vulgar, unauthentic, and wholly naked - and some rude AND nude (i.e. The ©“Picc-a-Dilly” Gargoyles - "They have all the worst habits." This IS somewhat subjective: it all depends on whether or no you think bum-picking is boorish). I need to point out the Design Toscano carries truly impressive items, such as: King Tutankhamen’s Life-Size Sarcophagus Cabinet Full Suit of Armor ©“Sacred Egyptian Canopic Jars” ©“Mysteries of Ancient Stonehenge” I, personally, have always been fascinated with canopic jars, and they provide such nice storage for all your spare organs. Also, wee Stonehenge - that's just splendid! It's much better than the Stonehenge in Spinal Tap; it is an "accurately scaled archeological model." Wait - I have located the ideal Tang Horse gifts! Good ol' JCPenney Catalog: Ancient Tang Horse Replica - Closeout! A fortuitous mingling of past and present: our stone-finished resin horse is a beautifully detailed replica of an ancient Asian relic. 13x11-3/8"H. Tang Horse Table Lamp: Stone-finish resin table lamp in a Chinese horse design. 29" H. 17x14" rectangular polyester shade is charcoal with gold-tone leaves. 3-way switch. Uses one 100W bulb, max. (not included). Wattage stated is maximum recommended. Lower wattage bulbs may be used. Imported from China. The Horse Replica was $79, but it is now a mere $29 (plus shipping). The Tang Horse Table Lamp (an ingenious blend of aesthetic beauty and practical function, I must say) was $129. It is on sale for only $64.50 (plus shipping). AND they offer expert gift wrapping service. Utter perfection! Now the burning question: Why Tang Horses? The Brady Bunch, naturally. I saw one of the Tang Horse replicas in a catalog and had a vague memory of a REAL Tang Dynasty Horse as an essential plot point on The Brady Bunch. Upon investigation, it turns out that I was right, but the plot came from A Very Brady Sequel, not the original series. Oh well. That means I have unwittingly admitted to seeing A Very Brady Sequel. At least I know a Tang Dynasty Horse when I see one. Here's a brief plot summary of the film: A man claiming to be Carol Brady's long-lost first husband, Roy Martin, shows up at the suburban Brady residence one evening. An impostor, the man is actually determined to steal the Bradys' familiar horse statue, a $20-million ancient Asian artifact.



Holiday Gift Idea #6
	Bumble Cheese Board (w/ Hand Spreaders) It seems that this year is the 40^th Anniversary of the classic claymation Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. Wait - made in 1964 - the 40^th Anniversary was LAST YEAR! Perhaps catalogs are not dependable research sources. I was about to tell my parents that they shared the year of their Fortieth Wedding Anniversary with Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. That was a close call. Oh - wait - they DO acknowledge the correct release date of the TV special. It's just that they (What On Earth: A Collection of Fun Wear & Delightful Diversions) still offer 40^th Anniversary Animated Plush Dolls. 40^th Anniversary Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer Animated Plush Dolls: Each of these classic characters walks, rolls, or moves, and of course Rudolph's red nose glows. Heights range from 13" Rudolph to 161/2" Yukon Cornelius; each plays a different tune from the 1964 television classic. Each requires three AA batteries (not included). Very festive, I must say (except that the Hermey the Elf doll plays We Are Santa's Elves, and I thought he had lovely ballad in which he explains that he wants to be a dentist, which I would deign the far superior choice. Perhaps I am mistaken). What On Earth has a selection of other Rudolph wares, but it was, in fact, one particular item that caught my eye. And why? CHEESE, naturally!!! Bumble Cheese Board With Hand Spreaders: We all knew that Bumbles sink and bounce, but nobody told us they'd make great conversation pieces on a buffet. This festive cheese board comes with a fabulous detail: spreaders for soft cheeses or dips with blue hands as handles. Ceramic and stainless steel. 121/4" x 71/4"; spreaders are 2 1/2". I admit, it's a touch macabre that one must dismember Bumble in order to use the "spreaders." However, he IS the Abominable Snowman and has large frightening teeth (until Hermey performs dental work on him) and he roars in a mean way and such. Quite possibly this is the logical consequence of being so abominable.



Holiday Gift Idea #5
	A Goose For All Seasons Evidently, the resin dress-up goose is the pièce de résistance of holiday gifts. Terry's Village offers this rationale: You're never too old to play dress up with a resin goose! There seems to be at least selective encouragement for this reasoning, as identical or similar items are offered in a number of other catalogs. I, however, will stick with the selection of Geese and Geese accoutrements in Terry's Village, as they seem to have the most comprehensive collection. In the first place, you must get the goose, reasonably priced at $19.95 and shipping (never shown "starkers," I should point out - what are they hiding?): Resin Standing Goose: Both the young and young-at-heart will enjoy playing dress up with this resin goose. 17 1/2"H x 16 1/2"L. Now, you have a choice of various "wardrobes" for your goose at $9.95 (and shipping) per set: Seasonal Goose Clothing: Each seasonal wardrobe includes four two-piece outfits. Bunny, Uncle Sam, witch and Santa. Seasonal Goose Clothing Set #2: Seasonal wardrobe includes four two-piece outfits. Hat and scarf, raincoat, turkey and leprechaun. Goose sold separately. Seasonal Goose Clothing Set #3: Each seasonal wardrobe includes four two-piece outfits. Wardrobe #3: cowboy, flower, cupid and schoolgirl. Seasonal Goose Clothing Set #4: Both the young and young-at-heart will enjoy playing dress up with this resin goose. Each seasonal wardrobe includes four two-piece outfits. Wardrobe includes: tutu, hawaiian, strawberry, and ladybug. But WAIT! There is a money saving offer that one should NOT ignore: Goose With Four Season Wardrobe: Each seasonal wardrobe includes four two-piece outfits. Goose made of resin, 17 1/2"H x 16 1/2"W. This set includes the goose and four wardrobes (16 outfits). Indeed, "Buy the set and save!" The Goose With Four Season Wardrobe (a $59.75 value) is yours for $49.95 (plus shipping)! OR you could opt for the Goose with the classic Seasonal Clothes for $29.95 (plus shipping), which really doesn't save much dough. Maybe it saves on shipping costs: Resin Standing Goose with Seasonal Clothes: Both the young and young-at-heart will enjoy playing dress up with this resin goose. This fashionable bird’s seasonal wardrobe includes four two-piece outfits (bunny, Uncle Sam, witch and Santa). 17 1/2”H x 16 1/2”L. Looking ahead, you might consider the Spring Goose with Four Wardrobes for $49.95 (plus shipping). You can also have the Spring Goose Wardrobe (Seasonal Clothing Set #5) for $9.95 (plus shipping). Sorry, no pictures available. Of course, there's always the "new" classic Goose with Red and Wild Costume for $24.95 (plus shipping): Goose With Red & Wild Costume: When friends flock together to kick up their heels, dress up our goose in a purple boa and red hat accented with a red satin purse! 17 1/2"H x 16 1/2"W. You can have the Red & Wild Goose Costume (sans Goose) for a mere $7.95 (plus shipping). A present for all seasons, the Goose with Graduation Costume set is $24.95 (plus shipping): Goose with Graduation Costume: What are the smartest geese wearing this spring? A cap, a gown and a diploma of course. All sized to fit our resin goose. For $7.95 (plus shipping) you can purchase the Graduation Costume, complete with tiny mortarboard. By the way, if you were (as I was) sorely disappointed that Seasonal Goose Clothing Set #3 did NOT include pictures of all the included ensembles, rest at ease. I scanned the Goose with Four Seasons Wardrobe image from the Terry's Village catalog. Now you can see the beloved goose surrounded by all SIXTEEN s