Tiny Pineapple

Zoe was invited to a birthday party this evening, and since we had very little time between the end of school and the start of the party, we couldn’t go to a proper toy store to purchase a birthday gift. So, we stopped by Harmon’s fine toy department <ahem> on the way home and Zoe picked out this Future Combat Set for the birthday boy.

It’s sometimes difficult for parents to understand the technical terminology and jargon that is used on the packaging of these toys, so I thought I’d take this opportunity to explain some of labels you might see while shopping this holiday season.

Many children have already submitted their list of desired articles to Santa, so they may be disappointed when they find that this new article has appeared on the market. But if they act quickly, they can probably submit an addendum to their list of desired articles to include this new article that has appeared on the market.

Those who practice Ethical Consumerism can take comfort in the fact that this product carries the Assembled Freely label. Whenever you see the Assembled Freely label, you can rest assured that the product you are buying was assembled by workers in a free range assembly plant, where workers have “continuous daytime access to open-air runs, except in the case of temporary restrictions imposed by veterinary authorities.”

Don’t make the mistake of purchasing old generation products as they may not be welcome among kids. Kids may laugh at the old generation products or call the old generation products names. They may never let the poor old generation products play in any product games.

Your guess is as good as mine…

Do you think they were going for, “Many colors to choose from”?

My niece, Elisabeth, brought over some wrapping paper today. She knew I’d appreciate the label:

My dear friend, Kate (an unabashed turophile, though that has nothing to do with this particular story), has a great fondness for all things wee. (She is, after all, the one who came up with the name “Tiny Pineapple.”) If you ever have the opportunity to go shopping with her, you can tell when she has found an especially cute, petite, or diminutive object because she will start emitting a soft cooing sound while cradling the tiny trinket in her hands.

This cooing over the object is usually followed by the purchasing of the object but, since she can’t bring herself to buy these things for herself, she has to do it under the guise of “Oh, I’m just getting it as a gift for someone else.” I’ve been the recipient of many of these Lilliputian gifts over the years, but my favorite was a pair of tiny, little notepads with tiny, little pencils that she gave me for my birthday about ten years ago.

Kate’s Tiny, Little Notepads
(Enlarged to show detail.)

I stumbled upon them again as I was going through a few old boxes the other day and my daughters immediately appropriated them to use as miniscule sketchbooks. But I’ll get some use out of them, too. I figure if I start using that first phrase as a pick-up line at parties, the second is sure to follow.

A Christmas gift from my sister, Amy:

I tried, but I was only able to enjoy the softness of gentle breeze for approximately 10 seconds before my daughters, nieces, and nephews swept through the vineyard spread vast on the hill and stripped the vines of every last soft and juicy Kasugai Grape Gummy.

A friend of ours teaches a beginning business class to Upper School students at the same school that my girls attend. As a final project, her students had to break into groups and develop a business plan for a venture of their own choosing.

A group of foreign exchange students from Korea decided that their entrepreneurial effort would be a wig shop. The business plan was broken into sections and the various sections were assigned to the various members of the group. The writing of the “Executive Summary” fell to a young Class 9 student who, bless his heart, has only been in the U.S. since January and whose English skills are…well, still a little rough.

Here it is, in its entirety:

Executive Summary

My business is waiting for a baldheaded person and fall down the hair People. Because we are make bout wig. My company some caller are Old People. Any way we want plan we have to find about what state many people live old man. Then we open that state. We sell about wig and precaution medicine about loss of hair. We divide sell part. Wig is selling about old people and precaution medicine is selling about middle age. Then we make event to wig caller. And different wig put and take off. All old man want looks Young. We catch that. We sell the old man then we think about the old man That is first thinking. And we make event to middle age. Then we show the different part, animal experimentation then give to we company are good and reliable company.

That is, indeed, first thinking.

And once you’ve watched them, I defy you to get the blasted song out of your head…

• Fuyu
• Hatu
• Kouyou
• Mail
• Mouse
• Natu
• Net
• Sake
• Snake
• Xmas

Note: These require Macromedia Flash. HI-HO!