Tiny Pineapple

I just tried to visit Gap.com and was greeted with the following anti-Safari statement at the front door:

 Gap.com: Apple Safari Users Unwelcome

I used Safari’s debug menu to set the User Agent to “Mozilla 1.1” to get past the bouncers, but once inside I was rather surprised to find an iPod being featured quite prominently on the main Men’s clothing page:

 Gap.com: Apple iPod Users Courted

Apparently, Gap wants to exploit Apple’s hipster image to sell clothes…without actually supporting Apple hipsters.

Sure, if you really wanted to, you could dig through the ReadMe to find the installation instructions:

“To install Camino, simply drag the Camino icon onto your hard disk. We recommend that you copy it to the Applications folder. You can then Eject the disk image.”

But you probably already know what to do, because when you mounted the disk image for Camino 1.0a1, this is what you saw:

HP’s Old Digital Entertainment Strategy

HP and Apple Partner to Deliver Digital Music Player and iTunes to HP Customers

LAS VEGAS — January 8, 2004 — Working to provide consumers with the most compelling digital content whenever and wherever they desire, HP (NYSE:HPQ) and Apple (Nasdaq:AAPL) today announced a strategic alliance to deliver an HP-branded digital music player based on Apple’s iPod, the No. 1 digital music player in the world, and Apple’s award-winning iTunes digital music jukebox and pioneering online music store to HP’s customers.

As part of the alliance, HP consumer PCs and notebooks will come preinstalled with Apple’s iTunes jukebox software and an easy-reference desktop icon to point consumers directly to the iTunes Music Store, ensuring a simple, seamless music experience. This offering is yet another way that HP is helping consumers enjoy more from their personal digital entertainment content.

“HP’s goal is to bring the most compelling entertainment content and experiences to our customers,” said Carly Fiorina, chairman and chief executive officer, HP. “We explored a range of alternatives to deliver a great digital music experience and concluded Apple’s iPod music player and iTunes music service were the best by far. By partnering with Apple, we have the opportunity to add value by integrating the world’s best digital music offering into HP’s larger digital entertainment system strategy.”

Summary

Product	Purpose
	Provide consumers with the most compelling digital content whenever and wherever they desire. Ensure a simple, seamless music experience. Bring the most compelling entertainment content and experiences to HP customers. Deliver a great digital music experience. Add value.
	Print inserts for mix CDs you make for your girlfriend.

HP’s New Digital Entertainment Strategy

Hewlett-Packard to Stop Reselling Apple iPods

SAN FRANCISCO — July 29, 2005 — Computer maker Hewlett-Packard Co. (NYSE:HPQ) will stop selling Apple Computer Inc. (Nasdaq:AAPL) iPod portable music players under its own brand, the two companies said on Friday, ending an unusual but short-lived alliance.

“They don’t have any plans to put out a competing player,” said Shannon Cross, an industry analyst with Cross Research in Short Hills, New Jersey, of HP, who had been briefed by the computer and printing giant on its decision.

“HP has decided that reselling iPods does not fit within the company’s current digital entertainment strategy,” Apple spokeswoman Natalie Kerris said.

“As a result of this decision, HP plans to stop reselling iPods around the end of September,” HP spokesman Ross Camp confirmed. “The bulk of our strategy remains unchanged with respect to digital entertainment.”

Summary

Product	Purpose
	N/A
	Print inserts for mix CDs you make for your girlfriend.

If I’d had a Christmas Wish List this year, an iPod would have been at the top of it. But, given the state of just about everyone’s personal economy right now, I certainly didn’t expect anyone to be showering me with expensive, non-essential gifts this year. So, imagine my surprise on Christmas morning when I learned that miscellaneous friends and family members had all gotten together, pooled their resources, and purchased me a 20GB iPod. It’s honestly the best Christmas gift I’ve received since the Kodak Instamatic X-15 of Christmas ‘71.

In addition to the iPod, I also got a Griffin iTrip, an FM transmitter that allows you to play your iPod through your car radio. Now, ideally, if you want to play your iPod in your car, you’d want a car stereo with an AUX jack that you could plug your iPod into. Unfortunately, I don’t have one, so my only other options are some sort of cassette adapter or an FM transmitter like the iTrip.

I was drawn to the iTrip for a number of reasons, but I wasn’t expecting it to be a perfect solution. Griffin Technology is very honest about some of the limitations of the technology. As part of their iTrip FAQ, they state the following:

What is the quality of the audio when played through the iTrip? Is it better than FM?

Simply put, FM radio is not the best quality audio in the world. It lacks some high and low frequencies, it has a fairly poor signal-to-noise ratio and it is nowhere near CD quality. The iTrip simply creates a mini FM radio station on top of your iPod, therefore it will never sound any better that the best FM radio station you’ve ever heard.

However, it still sounds pretty good. With a clear frequency the iTrip will deliver your iPod’s music at a surprisingly clear and high level of quality. And unless you have an AUX input or cassette adapter - it’s the ONLY way to play your iPod in your car. As far as comparing the iTrip to ‘other’ FM transmitters, the iTrip’s sound quality will win every time.

Of course, the real catch is that bit about “With a clear frequency…” I don’t live in the most densely-populated or cosmopolitan area of the United States, so I assumed that it would be fairly easy to find a chunk of the FM band that wasn’t being used, but that didn’t turn out to be the case. While the FM dial in my area is certainly a cultural wasteland, it’s a crowded wasteland.

So, as I’ve been driving over the past few days, I’ve been experimenting with various frequencies and I finally settled on 95.9 MHz. It seemed to provide the clearest sound with the least amount of interference from surrounding stations. But as I was driving home in a snowstorm the other night, I started getting some bleed-through from a Christian evangelical station right in the middle of Blossom Dearie’s “Give Him The Ooh-La-La.”

I reached over and picked up the iPod off the passenger seat and as soon as I touched the iPod the interference went away. When I put it back down, the garbled calls to repentance reappeared. My body seemed to be acting as an auxiliary antenna for the iTrip, but driving one-handed through a raging snowstorm at the Point of the Mountain was not an option. So, not knowing what else to do, I lay the iPod down on the driver’s seat between my legs until I had better driving conditions and could deal with the problem.

Now, I don’t mean to be indelicate or sound boastful in any way, but I have discovered that there is something magical between my legs…or, rather, in the space between my legs. With the iPod nestled there, the sound is crystal clear and all outside interference disappears. I’ve tried other locations on or about my person…under my right thigh, in my pockets, etc…but nothing works as well. The sweet spot seems to be, well, there. So, if you have been having similar difficulties with your iPod/iTrip, you might want to give my iCrotch solution a try.

I hesitate to even speculate as to why this works. Maybe it’s a “guy thing,” in which case women would need to find an alternate solution. (iCleavage?) But there is also the chance that this solution will only work for me. Perhaps there is something extraordinary about my loins, or it could be that I just have exceptionally receptive pants. Both, I think, are plausible explanations and, oddly, those same assertions have been made by others in the past, though under very different circumstances.

I took my girls to see Freaky Friday again last Friday. Even at age five, Zoe is enraptured by the film (I think she’s secretly taking notes for her future 16-year-old, brooding, rebellious, garage band phase), but I love it too, so I was more than happy to go see it again.

One of the things I love about going to movies with my daughters is that they act as finely-honed Apple Computer product placement detectors. They are apparently immune to all other on-screen branding efforts, but if there’s a Mac on screen they’ll spot it.

For instance, in Freaky Friday, as Lindsay Lohan (who has a really cute photo on IMDb) and Chad Michael Murray (against whom squinty eyes and JPEG pixilation have conspired) are making their way through the Teachers’ Lounge, there’s a gentleman with a 15-inch Powerbook sitting at one of the tables. Sure enough, Zoe leans over and whispers, “Hey, Dad. That’s an Apple computer.”

Later, in a scene in a coffee shop, there’s a woman with 15-inch Powerbook sitting at one table and an eMac on one of the tables in the back. Emma leans over, “Hey, Dad. There’s another one.”

They did miss the Ruby iMac in Ms. Lohan’s bedroom, but such an oversight is a rarity. They can usually spot a 12-inch iBook at 50 paces.

A friend of mine has always been of the opinion that Apple and Volkswagen should get together to offer a free iMac with the purchase of every New Beetle.

They came pretty darn close.

I have excellent taste in music. The now-deceased Radio Free Tiny Pineapple was hailed in newspapers as far away as Canada, England, France, Germany, and Norway.

I have excellent taste in music. RFTP’s listenership included New York music critics, Hollywood music directors, record company executives, and a large contingent of professional musicians.

I have excellent taste in music…except, of course, when I don’t.

You see, I have an inexplicable and indefensible affinity for catchy pop songs. I mean, embarrassingly catchy pop songs. While some people might refer to them as “guilty pleasures,” others would consider the term “crimes against humanity” more apropos. For instance, on occasion, you’ll see a sequence on my overly-elaborate “What I’m Listening To Now” page that looks something like this:

Song History

Elvis Costello

When I Was Cruel
When I Was Cruel No. 2

Sarah Vaughan

Sarah Vaughan
April In Paris

Soundtrack

Bleu
Julie - Glimpses of Burial

Radiohead

OK Computer
Airbag

Sibelius

The Complete Symphonies
Symphony No. 2 in D, Op,. 43

Britney Spears

…Baby One More Time
Baby One More Time

Hey, stop laughing. “Baby One More Time” is one of the best songs of the last 10 years. OK, maybe not one of the “best” songs, but it’s certainly a very well-crafted pop song. Well, maybe “well-crafted” isn’t the right term either. It’s…it’s just…um…oh, shut up!

I bring this up because I found myself in Borders a while ago, desperately searching for a copy of Bonnie ‘Prince’ Billy’s “Master and Everyone”. I’d actually been scouring music stores for quite a while looking for that CD, but that wasn’t why I was desperately searching for it on that particular day. I needed it for cover, because in my other hand I clutched a copy of Justin Timberlake’s “Justified.”

Why? Well, besides being a close personal friend of mine, I had grown quite fond of Mr. Timberlake’s “Cry Me A River.” I was pretty sure the rest of the album would be crap, but I really liked that song. I mean, I really liked that song. But I couldn’t just walk up to the counter and plop down a copy of Justin Timerlake’s “Justified.” The guy who was working the cash register looked like one of those alt.music snobs who had to stop listening to Sigur Rós because their last album was reviewed on NPR (“Dude, if everyone else knows about them, what’s the use…”) and I didn’t want him to think that I was the kind of guy who would be listening to Justin Timberlake (even though I’m obviously the kind of guy who would be listening to Justin Timberlake). So I had to find another CD that would neutralize Mr. Timberlake’s impact.

But I couldn’t find Bonnie ‘Prince’ Billy’s “Master and Everyone.” Nor could I find any of the other obscure and impressive CDs that were on my “Obscure and Impressive CDs I’ve Got To Buy One Of These Days” list. So, I gritted my teeth, walked up to the counter, and plopped down my copy of Justin Timberlake’s “Justified.” The guy behind the counter rang it up without batting an eyelash and, as he handed me my change, said, “I’m assuming you want this gift-wrapped.”

Gift-wrapped? No, I don’t need….wait! Yes! Of course! That’s it! Gift-wrapped! “Sure,” I said. “That would be great.”

“Yeah, I kinda figured this wasn’t for you,” he added with a smile. “You just don’t seem like the kind of guy who would be listening to Justin Timberlake.”

It was one of the nicest things anyone’s ever said to me.

But as soon as I got out to my car, unwrapped my freshly gift-wrapped purchase, and popped it in the CD player, I started feeling sick to my stomach. Part of it was the realization that the rest of the CD was, indeed, crap, so I had just spent $16.99 for one song. But, perhaps more importantly, I felt awful because that gift-wrapping was a lie. The shiny purple paper was a fraud; the cheap little bow a canard.

“There must be a better way,” I thought, “to indulge my occasionally bad taste in music without having to spend $16.99 a song and compromise my non-musical integrity in the process.”

A few days later, Apple announced the iTunes Music Store: 99¢ a song, no need to buy the entire album, no cashier sitting in judgment on my every (admittedly bad) purchase, and since I’m only looking to purchase embarrassingly catchy mainstream pop fare, it doesn’t matter that their current limited offering doesn’t include any of the “Obscure and Impressive CDs I’ve Got To Buy One Of These Days.”

I made my first purchase within minutes of the store’s opening:

Natalie Imbruglia

Left of the Middle
Torn

The other day, icons started mysteriously disappearing from the Mac OS X dock on the Mac we have at home. First, the Microsoft Office apps disappeared. I added them back, but then a little later in the day a few of Apple’s iApps (iTunes, iPhoto, iChat) icons disappeared, too.

Sometimes its easy to drag something from the dock accidently, so I didn’t think too much of it. But then last night I noticed that every icon in the dock was gone except for the Finder, the Trash can, and the two apps that were currently running (which can’t be removed).

My girls had been playing on the computer a little earlier in the evening, so I brought them in and started the interrogation:

“When you girls were playing on the computer tonight, did either of you drag some of the icons from the dock down here?”

Zoe, my youngest, started looking a little sheepish, so I asked her, “Zoe, were you playing with some of the pictures down here?”

“I like the poof,” she said.

…and I knew exactly what she was talking about. When you drag an icon to remove it from Mac OS X’s dock, the icon disappears in a little puff of smoke. It’s a cute little UI touch. So cute, in fact, that Zoe wanted to see it again and again.

This got me thinking. I don’t think an operating system should do anything even vaguely cute or entertaining when you are deleting, removing, or formatting anything. If, when you formatted the hard drive, a rabbit appeared on the screen and danced about singing “I’m a Yankee Doodle Dandy,” our hard drive would have been toast a long time ago.

Additional Links:

Apple’s Quicktime movie demonstrating the Mac OS X dock, including the “poof.”

I usually hate those nagware screens that appear when you start some unregistered shareware programs, but occasionally I’ll see the following when launching my unregistered copy of OmniWeb:

This copy of OmniWeb is not licensed.

A man in Chicago licensed OmniWeb and the next day he got free fries with his burger. A woman in Des Moines didn’t license it and a week later she stubbed her toe really badly. Coincidence?

It makes me want to register the product. Not to get rid of the nag screen, but to reward them for it.