White Elephant Gifts, 2008: Part 1
We had our family’s annual white elephant gift party this last week and the treasures bestowed this year were absolutely (and sometimes literally) breathtaking. I dare say it was even better than last year. But don’t take my word for it. Over the next few days, I’ll post pictures of some of the unique gems that were (sometimes literally) unearthed this year.
“It’s a Cat and Mouse Game” Découpage Clock
When the night was over, I walked away with this beauty. Yes, I know! I can hardly believe it myself! It’s a wall-mounted découpage clock that uses chess as a metaphor for the natural enmity that exists between cats and mice. (Think Tom and Jerry as Kasparov and Karpov.)
Aficionados of the art of découpage (a name derived from the French “découper,” or “cut out”) will recognize the signs of quality workmanship right away. For instance, rather than being constructed of a single piece of wood, the base is made of “plywood” which consists of a number of thin layers of wood called “veneers.” (“Veneers” were also used on 18th-century neoclassical mahogany furniture and Hilary Duff’s teeth.)
It’s sure to keep very accurate time since its “genuine quartz” movement uses the same technology that is found in many of the clocks that hang on the walls of some of the offices that reside in the basement of the Smithsonian Institution. And the clock mechanism itself is actually mounted behind the wood, so only the hands of the clock are visible. Brilliant!
In a classic example of design restraint, the clock face only has digits in the 12, 3, 6, and 9 positions. The other numbers (1, 2, 4, 5, 7, 8, 10, and 11) are merely implied by the lines radiating out from the center. And I don’t know about you, but nothing screams “small mammals playing board games” like Engravers Old English MT.
And you probably noticed this right away, but this exquisite example of American craftsmanship also features an anomaly that is sure to increase its value in the future. Much like the famous “Inverted Jenny,” the image of the cat and mouse has been reversed. Chess boards traditionally start with a black square on the left.
I still need to have it appraised for insurance purposes, but once that’s taken care of, the “It’s a Cat and Mouse Game” Découpage Clock will enjoy pride of place on the wall of Emma’s and Zoe’s bedroom. At least, it will if I can somehow get rid of the persistent musty odor of damp plywood that emanates from the piece even though the wood is bone dry.
Eyeless Plastic Figurine in Geographically Indeterminate Native Dress
Yes, this precious figurine of a young boy from Bulgaria, Greece, Iran, Italy, and/or the United Arab Emirates is in need of repair, but that’s no reason not to place it on your mantle…where it will wait, silent and still, until the first moonless night when it will climb down from its decorative perch and go room to room, visiting each sleeping inhabitant and scooping out each of their eyeballs with its tiny, cold, plastic hand.
Comments
Kate
During the past few weeks, after viewing the mountains of items we had stored in our basement - sometimes sweet, often surprising (and not necessarily in a good way), a handful of times simply grotesque enough to cause an entire group of people to freeze in their tracks and stare at said article and know (indeed, deep - oh, so deep - in our collective hearts) that the level of sanity (perhaps I should jump right to “lack thereof”) in our family was (literally, it seems) bequeathed to us by the always thoughtful generations of our very own family - I must say that those above-pictured treasures should be held very close to your bosom in respect and delight.
After the OSHA inspection.
Kimball
Grettir: Having thoroughly inspected this one-of-a-kind (we can only hope) item myself, I can support only one conclusion regarding the overpowering smell you charitably refer to as “musty”—it is, in fact, the art that stinks, not the plywood. I’d bet my eyeless devil doll on it.
chronicler
Oh man! I love this time of year and the TP review of the white elephant party gifts! I can only say the gift you received has to be the top of the white elephant heap! You may think it is one of a kind, but I actually think I saw one just like it for sale in Sun City last week at an estate sale. I did pick of the purveyor’s card, so if you’d like another one for your family room I could give them a call. :0)
jenny
Noooooo, no, no…it stinks because the face of the clock had to undergo a gentle rinse and delicate abrasion using a soft toothbrush because the clock-face had hard, stubborn booger-y objects stuck in the little nooks & crannies. The resulting delicate musky odor would leave me to believe, however, that such a gentle rinse is NOT suggested for decoupaged wooden clocks.
(And yes, Grettir: we used your toothbrush…)
P.S. chronicler: Never fear. The craftsperson’s business card was conveniently stapled to the back, just in case anyone wants to order multiples.
chronicler
:-D :-D :-D :-D
hehehehehehehehheeeeee
I wonder if they could arrange for said musty odor too?
Kate
Jenny,
I suggest calling it “an aroma evocative of an antique [or quaint?] era.”
jenny
What about, “An aroma evocative of an earlier era, when life was simple and a warm family gathering ‘round the kitchen’s wood-burning stove marked the end of a day well spent.”
…or, “An aroma reminiscent of the free-and-easy scent of raw sewage and coal-smoke that was Victorian England, when life was such a tooth-and-claw fight for survival that this atrocious clock would have ended up inside the sad little wood-burning stove in a feeble attempt to warm up whatever gruel was left over from breakfast.”
…or maybe this: “An aroma reminiscent of the charming simplicity of early Jamestown, where earthy, reeking colonists fought amongst themselves for the last tender bite of that evening’s squirrel, roasted o’er a plywood fire tinged with sharp, eye-watering varnish vapors.”
biz
i love the kitty clock.
chronicler
Someone go check to see if Grettir has passed out from the musty fumes!
Maxwell
I still haven’t eaten the food we got for the white elephant but i ate all of the shrimp chips!! haha long live ferb!!!!
Kate
Hi, Maxwell,
Shrimp chips?
Sounds Canadian. The first time I went to Canada I was astounded to find “ketchup” chips, “pickle” chips (pickle POTATO CHIPS), etc. and made sure to bring them home as thoughtful gifts.
Well, it you ate shrimp chips, Grettir may have a Hungarian can of bacon with your name on it.