Be Full Of Your Brain Cell All The Time And All!
Zoe was invited to a birthday party this evening, and since we had very little time between the end of school and the start of the party, we couldn’t go to a proper toy store to purchase a birthday gift. So, we stopped by Harmon’s fine toy department <ahem> on the way home and Zoe picked out this Future Combat Set for the birthday boy.
It’s sometimes difficult for parents to understand the technical terminology and jargon that is used on the packaging of these toys, so I thought I’d take this opportunity to explain some of labels you might see while shopping this holiday season.
Many children have already submitted their list of desired articles to Santa, so they may be disappointed when they find that this new article has appeared on the market. But if they act quickly, they can probably submit an addendum to their list of desired articles to include this new article that has appeared on the market.
Those who practice Ethical Consumerism can take comfort in the fact that this product carries the Assembled Freely label. Whenever you see the Assembled Freely label, you can rest assured that the product you are buying was assembled by workers in a free range assembly plant, where workers have “continuous daytime access to open-air runs, except in the case of temporary restrictions imposed by veterinary authorities.”
Don’t make the mistake of purchasing old generation products as they may not be welcome among kids. Kids may laugh at the old generation products or call the old generation products names. They may never let the poor old generation products play in any product games.
Your guess is as good as mine…
Comments
Kate
It sounds like we may have just missed each other. I, however, was not at Harmon’s fine toy department (I think I might say ahem, AHEM), I was at Harmon’s Pharmacy picking up one of my drugs - WHOOPS - I mean MEDICATIONS (My doctor insists I say medications instead of drugs. She’s strict that way) which indicates on the packaging that I should wear a medical alert bracelet indicating that I’m taking that MEDICATION.
I do NOT wear a medical alert bracelet, and I haven’t even bothered to find out WHY that medication is relevant to the whole medical alert bracelet thing. I think what probably turned me off to medical alert bracelets in general was the fact that I worked for a health care company and when I did, perchance, look UP medical alert bracelets one day, I was blocked by the company red screen warning (equivalent, in essence to, “YOU’RE LOOKING AT PORN - WE CAN TELL”). I thought this was a tad ridiculous and actually notified them that it seemed somewhat incongruous that you couldn’t get information about medical alert bracelets at a health care company.
If I DID wear a medical alert bracelet I believe I’d have it say, “Please, PLEASE don’t look at my underwear because it is either embarrassingly ratty or says something insipid.”
Is not that the expression for all of that, “What does that have to do with the price of tea in China?” I’m sure I don’t know. Ask the people on the stock market trading floor; they certainly could tell us all about it.
As for the birthday toy, I would like to compliment Zoe on her very topical choice. As for the “surprised piece,” I would warrant that was George W. Bush. I’m with you about, “Be Full Of Your Brain Cell All The Time And All!” Ask Zoe. Maybe it’s a kid thing… It does remind me of THIS.
jenny
Yep. Definitely another case of someone trying to save the company money by hiring his cousin (who faithfully watches “Charlie’s Angels” reruns with Chinese subtitles) to translate.
Kate: I’m gonna see if they make a med-alert bracelet with the phrases “So sorry I didn’t shave my legs!” or “Yes, I AM taking something for those boils” on them. I had a mortifying MRI experience involving both unshaved legs and numerous leg-boils. Let me know if you’d like the details.
Oh, and my brother-in-law the surgeon says that you should always keep your belly button freshly-scrubbed. Apparently he faces alot of crusty belly buttons in the course of a day’s operations…
Kate
Jenny, we’re BOIL BUDDIES! I’ve had leg boils, too (well, folliculitis, but close enough) and I haven’t shaved my legs in at least two decades. So yes, I certainly would like to know the details…
At least my navel hygiene is in check.
P.S. Anyone who thinks that I’ve provided too much information (as usual) just needs to understand that I gave up any dignity I ever had for…Lent (?) quite a while ago. I like to SHARE…