Outsourcing My New Year’s Resolutions
Everyone’s had a full week now to reflect on their own lives and formulate their New Year’s resolutions for 2006, right? While a certain amount of introspection at this time of year can be quite healthy, I think it’s important to avoid falling into the trap of “navel-gazing.” So, it’s about time everyone stopped thinking about themselves and started thinking about me.
For the past few years I’ve done a really lousy job of setting and achieving realistic goals, so this year I’m going to get around my own lack of initiative and imagination by outsourcing my New Year’s resolutions. Akin to my sister Amy’s eternal question:
“What should I do with my hair?”
…I’m asking:
“What should I do with my year?”
This potentially unwise exercise should probably only be undertaken by those who know (and love) me, but total strangers are welcome to weigh in. Just keep the following in mind when making my New Year’s resolutions for 2006:
- I’m tied, geographically, to Utah Valley, so they can’t require relocation.
- I’m strapped, financially, so they’ve got to be cheap.
- I’m limited, in capacity, so they’ve got to be realistic.
- I’m sensitive, emotionally, so they’ve got to be kind.
- I’m pledged to Keira, Knightley, so they can’t involve dating anyone else.
Ready? Set? Goal!
[Note: Comments that are rude, inappropriate, or that point out the futility of my longing for Ms. Knightley may be removed at the author’s discretion.]
Comments
scott
I personally would be fond of getting the tiny pineapple radio back on. Not sure if it’s realistic, but it’d be a small thing and I’d be really happy about it. *shrug* It’s a thought.
Anonymous
Sponsor a child. It’s relatively cheap and it’s kind. Pick one with your birthday.
www.compassion.com
well.. you asked!
Ken
Sorry.. it was me that was accidentally anonymous above. I also agree with Scott.
Anonymous
you know…Her Majesty’s Gardner has been untouched for a while…
becca
1. Post more often. I need something new to read every morning over coffee.
2. Finish “Her Majesty’s Gardener.” How long are you going to leave us hanging?
3. Date Keira, date anyone, just get out there. Keeping yourself off the market is a crime against womankind.
Alex
This presumes of course an awful lot, but the entire pretext does :)
Write, direct, and perhaps act in your own very short film.
If you want my advice, it’s in this book and this. These are two of my workbooks and I’m only partway into the former, which I have criticisms of but recommend it religiously and that truly. If you respect Richard Dutcher’s advice on screenwriting, I’ve had an opportunity to ask his advice and he’s recommended this and this, adding that they are the only screenwriting books he’s gotten any use out of, and that structuralists only help with a troubled screenplay.
cooper
Well, you are a perfect stranger….
However, your post long ago about the woman in the movie theatre has had me hooked since.
2 goals for you.
Continue to be the best dad ever. That’s not really a big huge goal, cuz the girls are just as lucky as they’ll ever be with you as dad, but hey not a problem to underscore your job.
The other - get on with the freakin story! My goodness man! I’ve been at chapter five for soooooooooooooooo long! It’s a lovely story, i know you can write and entertain me at least one more chapter! Pluheeeeeze?!?
Oh one other. The writing/directing thing Alex mentioned sounds pretty good.
grettir
Iâ??ve been getting a lot of responses via email, so if youâ??re shy about posting a comment (which is something we need to talk about) feel free to send suggestions/votes via email instead. Or if youâ??d rather post anonymously, go right ahead.
Iâ??ll be compiling the final list tonight, so if youâ??ve got an opinion let it be known by 9:00pm MST.
[Update: By request, I’m leaving voting open until tomorrow (Wednesday) at 9:00pm MST…]
Chris
Far be it from me to tell you what to do, but…
Gain some weight. I’m tired of getting hand-me-down pants from you that I can’t fit in.
Oh, and look into podcasting or something. Resurrecting RFTP would be nice, but I realize that there are complications with the CARP, or the FCC, or FFA, or FHE or whatever. I have no grasp of copyright law or acronyms.
grettir
OK, folks, voting is closed. Results will be posted tomorrow.