You’re Only As Good As Your Worst Farrelly Brothers’ Movie
Paltrow Replaces Hurley
“Gwyneth Paltrow is replacing British actress Elizabeth Hurley as the face of Estee Lauder perfumes. Hurley, 40, has been the face of the luxury cosmetic brand since 1995 and will continue in her role as spokesmodel. But the lucrative fragrance contract has been passed to Paltrow in a bid to help the company ‘vamp up its image and make it more sexy.’ A spokesperson says, ‘Gwyneth is new and a bit more exciting.’ Celebrated photographer Mario Testino has shot a high profile advertising campaign starring the Shallow Hal actress.”
Let me get this straight. The woman has won an Oscar, a Golden Globe, and a Screen Actors Guild Award, and they choose a Farrelly Brothers’ movie to represent her career? That’s gotta hurt.
But I’m sure other people have the same sort of problem:
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“George Clooney, star of The Facts of Life, was presented with the Irving Thalberg Award at last night’s Oscar ceremony…”
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“Halle Berry, who played ‘Emily Franklin’ in Living Dolls, the phenomenally successful spin-off of Who’s The Boss, was unavailable for comment…”
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“Brad Pitt, best remembered for his work as ‘Jeffrey’ in Growing Pains, died today at the age of 93…”
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“Hilary Swank (The Next Karate Kid) will also act as Executive Producer on the film…”
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“Tobey Maguire, the indefatigable ‘Duane Parsons’ on Walker, Texas Ranger, also had a supporting role in the lesser-known independent feature film, Spiderman…”
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“Keira Knightley, of Thunderpants fame, wed Grettir Asmundarson today in a private ceremony on the island of Oahu…”
Comments
Alex
These look like easily the least respected titles on the respective resumes. Do entertainment reporters do that as a back-handed way of insulting celebrities they don’t like?
And seriously, thunderpants? And this? -
If this is even remotely true, when my boy is ten, I’m going to start drawing lines: “Son, there are certain things in this world that you should mind, and one of them is farts.”
Kate
Perhaps her choice had to do with her in-depth research for that film and the strong feelings it evoked. I remember in an interview she said something about the empathy for large people she derived from wearing the “fat suit.” I believe she said it was because it was “so heavy,” and she has sympathy for those who carried about that extra burden. GAAAAH! I really do like Gwyneth Paltrow, in general (I’m a little iffy on the whole “Apple” thing), but I momentarily wanted to kick her in the teeth and shout, “YOU WILL NEVER, EVER KNOW, YOU STICK-INSECT CREATURE (BUT IN A NICE WAY), WHAT IT IS LIKE!” Yes, there’s a little more to it than “extra” weight being “heavy” when you are a big person.
No, it’s just offensive. Perhaps she’ll kick her PR person in the teeth. The irony is that Shallow Hal had the premise and potential to actually make some insightful points (can’t believe I’m saying this about a Farrelly Bros. movie) about preconceptions of beauty and the influence of character affecting someone’s appearance, etc. But any possibly introspective content was overshadowed in the end by crass, redundant, Junior High School-style “Fat Jokes.” Come ON - the “Fat” version of Gwyneth characters was not nearly SO fat that she’d break chairs, empty a swimming pool - and what was with the underwear the was three times the size of the “fat” version of Gwyneth. They should never try anything that has ANY potentially thoughtful ideas. They should stick with the crass humor that can be amusing on video if you’re in the right mood.
Very clever list of the obscure, by the way.
Kate
Good grief - Simon Callow, Stephen Fry and Paul Giamatti were also in Thunderpants? That’s just sad. Oh no - and the innocent and talented Rupert Grint, not to mention all those poor British actors who usually are in classy productions. At least in Dutch, Donderbroek, it sounds more festive. And in French they don’t mention “thunder” or flatulence at all: Lā??Incroyable histoire de Patrick Smash.
grettir
And Rupert Grint is just so darned cute in it…
jenny
Ruper’s hair looks like an embryonic Napoleon Dynamite. But he is so darn cute!
jenny
I’m sorry, but I have to add this:
I was walking through the Atlanta airport a few days ago and saw from afar one of the new “Pleasures” ads in some sort of duty-free shop.
Now, granted, I’m fairly near-sighted; and, granted, the picture was about 3’x5’. But by whatever cruel twist of lighting Gwyneth’s nose looked like a giant jack-o-lantern isoscelese triangle nose. It wasn’t until I had marched [squinting] off the concourse and right up to the photo that her proboscis didn’t look like an unfortunate Photoshop cut-and-paste blunder.
(Honestly, Grettir: stand back and squint, and you’ll see what I mean.)
MY face, on the other hand, is perfectly proportioned…
cooper
Kevin Kostner, you may know him from his enormous hit, Waterwold…
Hey wait a minute! That does fit!
grettir
Actually, Kevin’s first acting gig was The Big Chill, but you’d never know it. You never even see his face. He’s the dead body being prepared for burial at the beginning of film. His character was supposed to appear in flashbacks later on in the film, but those scenes all ended up on the cutting room floor.
Lawrence Kasden felt so bad about it that he wrote the part in Silverado especially for Kevin just to make up for it.
kylie
Wow. I only wonder what sort of resumes we all have really.
But Rupert Grint, WOW OH WOW.
And…wait, there was a “Who’s the Boss” spinoff?
cooper
Ah yes, I do remember the famous, or is that infamous death scene.
Heck, my resume is great. I set out in life to not become famous. Still doing that!
grettir
What excellent timing! Just this morning John Gruber posted a link to an Apple Lisa commercial from 1983 (the same year The Big Chill was released), featuring a non-dead Kevin Costner.
(The link to the video itself doesn’t appear to be working right now, but they’ve got screenshots…)
ames
Jenny:
It has to be the Lauder photographer. I remember when Elizabeth Hurley took over as “spokesmodel” and I saw her first displays in department stores. Her nose looked ginormous. I thought, “What an interesting choice, hiring the Child Catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang to sell Estee Lauder products.”
ames
Oh wait. This is a better approximation.