VD
August 16, 2005
Hilary Duff’s new music video is in heavy rotation on the Disney Channel right now and Zoe is quite a fan. As she and the other girls were downstairs singing along (very loudly), I found myself upstairs in the kitchen with my sister Jenny trying to defend the rather indefensible position that Ms. Duff’s Metamorphosis was one of the finest pop albums of 2003. To take some of the heat off me, I brought up the subject of Hilary’s new (and rather unfortunate) porcelain veneers and I was trying to find just the right word to describe what was wrong with them. But as I fished around, all I could come up with was:
“They’re just so…so…veneereal…”
As in:
Comments
Kate
Oh dear. Those are beaver teeth, indeed. They don’t fit her face, but she could build one hell of a dam with them (one hell of a dam?).
One might also bemoan the Tammy Faye Baker amount of mascara on such a young one. I hope the paparazzi doesn’t call her “HORSE TEETH!!!” and make her cry. It wouldn’t be pretty.
cooper
And to think I have my British heritage to thank for my horseteeth! ;-)
emily
Grettir, Elisabeth and I discuss these HORRENDOUS teeth all the time. SO WRONG! Jenny and Amy and Elisabeth and I all discussed how atrocious they are.
I also must express my SEVERE sadness over anyone’s praise of such a lame album. Yep. That’s the best word. LAME.
jenny
Joke #1:
She’s looking a bit “long in the tooth!” (Tee-hee!)
Joke #2:
“Judging by the length of those choppers, I’d venture a guess and say that she was about, oh, 82.”
-jenny, world-class Expert Horsewoman and regular contributer to “Horse Fancy” magazine.
For heaven’s sake, file those babies down a bit, and round off the edges. And they’re so THICK. They look like they’re about 3/8” deep–like they just left her real teeth in place and covered them with big ol’ tooth-cozies.
Liora
They make her look older - in a bad way. Definitely too big, and jenny nailed it when she said they’re too thick. They don’t fit her face.
Alex
I’ll defend Hillary Duff’s music. Except that I’ve only heard one of her songs. But I liked it. As the universe has not yet proven to me (who will not seek proof) that more music from Hillary Duff exists, it stands to me that one hundred percent of her music is good. What I heard was in The Lizzie McGuire Movie. The ending scene of that movie was.. adjectives my inner stoic disowns me for entertaining. .. Just see it.
My wife perpetually proves to me that finer art in this universe exists, such as the teeny-bopper girlie films I always end up loving more than her. The last was Ice Princess and before that, Mean Girls..
kimball
What conclusions will archaeologists draw someday when they discover those teeth during a Disneyland dig? What reflection will those conclusions have on their assessment of our species? There will inevitably be scholarly papers written to explain how a mysterious white substance came to attach itself to those teeth, what evolutionary response prompted the dramatic changes in tooth constitution uncovered, and why human skulls didn’t double in size to accommodate the now boulder-size pearlies. I can only imagine what the reconstructions of our generation’s faces will look like someday in natural history museums. Maybe cosmetic dentists should be required to attach an explanatory label on the reverse side of their handiwork so it doesn’t reflect so poorly on the rest of us with the crooked, yellowing bicuspids? Just a thought.
naturalgirl
Hilary is only 17,and her face would naturally become thinner and more mature looking with time. She is rushing her maturity and has ruined her looks with those huge, ill-fitting teeth , her smile was cute and whoever talked her into ruining her face should be sued. She no longer looks sweet, just ugly. She should trust nature more, that is how we are unique.