Tiny Pineapple

me too! You! :D

Wow. I really can’t stand going places like that and (being 5’2” and normal weight) having to buy extra larges. It’s ridiculous. Yet, in almost every store these days, that’s how it goes…

Jenny,

That’s spooky. I was thinking EXACTLY the same thing!

I’ve heard that today’s ultra-tight fashions have actually increased the early detection of melanoma in women.

A common scenario: A dermatologist plops down in a theater seat, with his bag of buttery popcorn and box of Milk Duds, ready to enjoy 90 minutes of hijinx and hilarity in Nora Ephron’s “Bewitched.” He notices, however, that the woman seated in front of him has several suspicious moles on her back. He hands her his card, tells her she should make an appointment, she comes in the next week, and the early intervention saves her life.

How was the dermatologist able to make the diagnosis? The woman’s shirt was so tight, it served as a virtual relief map of her skin, and the doctor was able to detect the ABD and E of her various skin growths. And because her shirt was white, he could actually detect the C as well.

This is a proven scientific fact. Not.

Which diabolical designer began hawking these horrendous sausage-casings-as-shirts? And when will we see an end? I am sick of being exposed to everyone’s every ripple and bump and bulge and knob and growth. There are some things a dermatologist should only be able to detect in the privacy of an office visit.

OK, the dead giveaway that the above scenario is fictional: Who can get an appointment with a dermatologist within a week?

To Whom It May Concern: I regret to inform you that our recent “Casual Luxury” ad for women’s sweaters was mislabeled. This particular collection was designed specifically for female praying mantises (or is it praying manti?).

My sincerely apologies for the oversight.

Mr. Abercrombie-Fitch

To Mr. Abercrombie-Fitch:

I’m sorry silly man, you mislabled again. Not even the stick-like praying mantises/manti could squeeze their ridiculously skinny frames into these nightmares.

It is simply impossible. I demand a recall.

sincerely,
every normal girl in America.

Once again, as ever, I am compelled to publicly declare my love for the greatest of Grettirs. Please do not castigate me. I assure all of you lovely people that this is a compulsion and cannot be controlled.

Grettir, te adoro!

Okay, Jodi. I won’t castigate you.

But I’m thinking castagatory thoughts.

REALLY hard.

REALLY.

I meant castigatory.

with an “i”

Maybe we should all just buy the boy’s style from now on - eventually, maybe someone will get the hint!