Fabulous Babes: Claire Forlani
Her name says it all: “Claire,” a delightful anagram of “éclair,” that most tasty of oblong, chocolate-frosted, custard-filled pastries…and “Forlani,” which is, of course, Italian for “As scrumptious as a/an.”
Claire Forlani (not to be confused with HP CEO Carly Fiorina) is easily one of the most captivating actresses working today. But even though she has striking green eyes, flawless cheekbones, and an absolutely entrancing smile, we shouldn’t let that overshadow what’s really important: she has the best lower-lip bite since Greer Garson.
She is the anti-Gwyneth, having adopted an American accent in so many of her films that it was years before I knew she was British. (I don’t feel too bad, though, because Kevin Smith didn’t realize she wasn’t American until after he’d already cast her in Mallrats.)
If I have one complaint about her work it’s that she isn’t working nearly enough. That would be a forgivable sin if she were spending her off hours dating me, but as this is not the case, she needs to get off her duff and get up on the screen.
Regardless, she has one of the most interesting resumes in the industry:
- She co-starred in the best 3/4-of-a-Freddie-Prinze-Jr.-movie ever.
- She appeared in 1/3 of the Polish brother’s Americana trilogy.
- She appeared in 1/7 of the Police Academy franchise.
- She has worked with both Martin Brest and Ben Affleck, which constitutes 2/3 of those responsible for Gigli.
- She has co-starred with both Achilles and Jesus.
- She has worked with both Laruen Bacall and Jackie Chan.
- She has appeared in films with both Tom Waits and David Bowie.
- Depending on who’s telling the story, she was either fired or walked off the set on the first day of shooting Deep Rising. (Smart move.)
- She’s got to be the only actress on earth with both Michael Bay and Julian Schnabel on the same resume.
I realize that there are some people who are not as captivated by Ms. Forlani as I am. She seems to be a member of that special class of actresses (that includes, among others, Ms. Paltrow and Julia Stiles) that discerning men seem to love and discerning women seem to loathe. They must give off some sort of high-frequency fingernails-on-chalkboard signal to which men are oblivious but which instantly puts women’s teeth on edge. But I, for one, am only too happy to be hard of hearing.
Comments
Kate
She is lovely, indeed, but she is a BORING, BORING, BORING actress (so tedious that I won’t even use synonyms). I think that Gwyneth, on the other hand, is NOT a BORING, BORING, BORING actress. Julia Stiles? Sometimes, sometimes not…
You just like looking at her leaning over (trying to feign that she actually has breasts - women who are too skinny (she looks pretty good in print but I wonder if she looks like a scary, gaunt horse in real life) are always incessantly in that pose trying to push their meager bosom into some semblance of cleavage). No high frequency signal detected, by the way, just think sheï¿s BORING.
grettir
Dear Kate,
I must take exception with nearly every one of your points…except for the “she is lovely” part:
1. Ms. Forlani is not BORING, and I take great offense that you would think me the kind of person who would be attracted to boring women. Unless, of course, this just reveals the fact that I, myself, am boring, in which case Ms. Forlani and I are a perfect match, wouldn’t you say?
2. Gwyneth? “Not BORING?” Did you not see Sylvia? I would have put my own head in an oven if there’d been one in the theater. As it was, I had to settle for shoving my cranium into the popcorn machine in the lobby. While this didn’t provide me with the eternal rest for which I had been yearning, the butter flavoring did provide a fantastic hot oil treatment for my hair and scalp. I highly recommend it.
3. Ms. Forlani’s “meager bosom” is OK by me. And please don’t get the impression that she leans forward and tries to flash her faux cleavage in every photo shoot. Those are just the photos toward which I gravitated, which says more about me than it does her.
Sincerely,
Mr. Forlani
Kate
Dear Mr. Forlani,
1. I didn’t see Sylvia, but no one is going to make Sylvia Plath’s life very festive. But if Claire Forlani had played Sylvia they couldn’t have even released the film because it would have killed large numbers of audience members on first glance.
2. The fact that she is boring doesn’t indicate anything about you. You are blinded by her eyes and her leaning forward doing secret British magic.
3. I, too, have nothing against paucity of bossom. I object to the cleavage pretense game. The photographer may have asked for it, but she looks very willing…
4. BORING BORING BORING BORING BORING BORING BLEH BORING BORING.
Sincerely,
Unblinded,
Kate
danithew
Clearly this woman knows how to utilize the dark eye makeup.
Jodi
Her bosom-boosting pose is analogous to that of certain men who, lacking biceps, stand with their arms crossed and place the knuckles of each hand on the opposing arm where a bicep *would* be in an attempt to appear as if their arms are more developed.
Although I have not seen enough of Ms. Forlani’s acting to render an opinion, I have seen enough of Ms. Paltrow’s to say that her acting skills are as limp as her posture.
Christine
I’m so thrilled to see a “Fabulous Babe” named Claire!
We’re thinking about that as a baby name and my sister keeps quoting the Breafast Club “Claire is a fat girl name”.
Dr G
boring? I could not be bored with Ms. Forlani no matter how bad she acted.
Pam
Two words, Kate: Keanu Reeves
Double standard?
jenny
“Claire is a fat girl’s name”??? Pthhhhhhhhpt! [juicy rasbperry].
The only Claire I’ve ever known was the tiny daughter of a big-money Scottish oil man in Cairo. She was absolutely ethereal–clouds of fluffy soft white-blonde ringlets, large blue eyes veiled by long, dark lashes, a sweet, sunny disposition, and a mother who could make the best Scottish shortbread––—EVER. It had this luscious kinda “brulee” sugary crust on the top. When I asked her if I could get the recipe, and she just looked at me as though I had an I.Q. of 35 (for the record, it’s actually 38) and said, “It’s the same recipe everybody else uses.” I beg to differ.
Anyway, I’ve gone “far afield” (they use that phrase alot in the old Perry Mason b/w episodes). Claire is a beautiful, angelic name—all shortbread aside.
….Wait. Who were we originally talking about? Oh yeah, Claire Forlani. I just remember seeing that picture of her in “In Style” jumping into the pool and thinking, “She looks like a skeleton in a bikini.”
emily
This from a skeleton herself, jenny….
Wilder
Is Claire Forlani dating Keanu? I saw pictures of them eating lunch and he had this hippy beard… Or are they maybe filming a movie or something?
grettir
She starred with Keanu in The Last Time I Committed Suicide in 1997 and they’ve been spotted together on a number of different occasions since, but I think the consensus is that they’re “just friends.”