Shark Bait and Switch
When I was 12 years old, I displayed one of the worst examples of timing in the history of moviegoing by attending a screening of Jaws on opening day, Friday, June 20, 1975. What I had forgotten to take into consideration was the fact that I was scheduled the following morning to take part in the Boy Scouts’ Mile Swim…in the Atlantic Ocean.
I spent my entire time in the water with two simple goals:
To maintain as much distance between myself and Daryl Reynolds as possible.
To swim the entire mile side stroke.
I’m absolutely mortified by it now, but at the time I rationalized my first goal by concluding that there was nothing in the Scout Handbook that forbad leveraging the laws of Natural Selection to one’s own advantage. I figured that Daryl, being a rather husky boy, would be the most likely to be mistaken for a seal or sea lion, so if some myopic Great White went for poor Daryl I didn’t want to get caught in the feeding frenzy.
The second goal was based on the principle that by swimming on my side I presented a smaller target for any marine predators coming at me from below. (As anyone who has seen the one sheet knows, they always come at you from below.) And, if it missed me on the first attempt, I might have enough time to swim over by the succulent Daryl and the shark might opt for him on the second go-round.
The Succulent Daryl and I were the only ones swimming that morning, with our Scoutmaster and Assistant Scoutmaster following behind in a support dinghy, and I can only imagine how frustrating my survival strategy must have been for them.
“You know, Grettir, you’d be able to swim much faster if you weren’t doing the side stroke.”
“That’s OK, I’m not in a hurry.”
“But Daryl’s getting quite a ways ahead of us.”
“I don’t mind.”
Fortunately for The Succulent Daryl, the Mile Swim went off without incident, except for the time when the support dinghy brushed up against my leg and I screamed bloody murder thinking it was a brush-by before the final attack. I think I may have even wet myself, but it’s kind of hard to tell when you’re doing the side stroke.
Comments
Jodi
“Succulent Daryl” is making me laugh more than I think it should.
Thomas
I’ve just finished reading Naked by David Sedaris and my wife just gave me Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim. This little bit of humor rings true. Granted I was only 3 when Jaws came out (sue me for my youth) but I understand your fear. “Tell me, Clarice - have the lambs stopped screaming?”
samantha
Damn!
I just can’t stop reading everything in this website…
nor stop laughing either..
kimball
Having seen Jaws on opening day (probably with you?), and having known Daryl Reynolds, I see nothing but wisdom in your approach to that mile swim in the Atlantic Ocean so many years ago. I do, however, think you meant to refer to the nearby vessel manned by your intrepid scout leaders as a “getaway dinghy” vs. “support dinghy.”
danithew
That story you told was hilarious. I wish Darryl would read this and leave a comment. That would make the experience complete.