Tiny Pineapple

Oh, Chex of Wheat. Oh, blessed Chex.
Oh, Atkins-shunned bowl of rapture.

Thy carbs are complex. Thy fiber, divine.
My tummy is full of your whole-grain goodness.

Like tiny, caramel-colored, corduroy, throw pillows
Lost in a sea of regret and skim milk.

I add two teaspoons of sugar.
It forms a sludge on the bottom.

While I eat, I read the box.
“CONTAINS WHEAT INGREDIENTS.”

So do I, my friend.
So do I.

• 

  Tyler

  February 4, 2004 2:00 PM

  You’re taking comments again…or is this just an error? I assume this means you fixed the spamming problem.

• 

  Kate

  February 4, 2004 2:47 PM

  Huzzah HUZZAH for comments! And though I have admiration for the excellent poetry, I must say that I think Chex SUCKS.

• 

  elisabeth

  February 4, 2004 3:44 PM

  I like you alot, Kate.. but you’re wrong.

• 

  Dr G

  February 4, 2004 4:30 PM

  uh, give me the 6 dollar burger. hold the sugar.

• 

  dave

  February 5, 2004 7:56 AM

  i’m with kate… hate the Chex.

• 

  erik

  February 5, 2004 9:02 AM

  I have to say that there is something inherently evil about anyone who hates wheat checks. Not that is makes you a bad person… I guess…

• 

  Main-uh

  February 5, 2004 10:34 AM

  Hate wheat chex? hate wheat chex? I may be wrong but I think this may be at the root of what’s wrong with America. Now hating Rice Chex, that’s a different issue.

• 

  dave

  February 5, 2004 12:02 PM

  now see… that’s funny… cuz i like the rice chex. what’s wrong with me?

• 

  Grettir

  February 5, 2004 12:53 PM

  Yep, comments are back for a limited test run. Some recent changes to Movable Type have made it less attractive to spammers and easier to clean up after them, so I’m going to enable comments on new posts and see how it goes.

  After a four month absence, I was looking forward to the return of the thoughtful and articulate commenting community that we once had. But, based on the quality of the discourse so far (which is just one step above “Chex suck…,” “No, you suck…”), perhaps I was expecting too much.

  I think everyone’s just out of practice, so here’s your assignment. All comments for this entry must now be posted in poetic form. Those who have already commented are encouraged to rephrase their original sentiment.

  Here’s mine:

  Neither Rice,
  &nbsp&nbsp&nbsp  Nor Corn,
  &nbsp&nbsp&nbsp  &nbsp&nbsp&nbsp  Nor Multi-Bran.
  Wheat.

  Neither checks,
  &nbsp&nbsp&nbsp  Nor cheques,
  &nbsp&nbsp&nbsp  &nbsp&nbsp&nbsp  Nor Czechs.
  Chex.

  Or, perhaps, a haiku:

  Rice Chex scar my bowl.
  I have but one word for them:
  Abomination.

  Although I must admit that I like Rice Chex in an insubstantial, Wonder Bread sort of way…

• 

  dan

  February 5, 2004 3:00 PM

  This bowl makes me out of my headies
  This cereal beats out all breadies
  Now this may you vex
  But your beloved Chex
  Is just a dumb rip-off of Shreddies!

• 

  emily

  February 5, 2004 3:08 PM

  I choose only wheat chex for me
  Though rice perhaps you’d choose for thee
  You are so wrong and thoughtless, too
  For choosing rice chex as you do

  Though doused with sugar, a soggy mess
  Wheat chex simply are the best
  So choose you wrongly if rice you pick
  For me and my house with wheat will stick.

• 

  High Coo

  February 7, 2004 3:05 AM

  Snow falls on blossoms
  The mirror to dreams of light
  Beauty’s defined: Chex

• 

  Rob

  February 9, 2004 5:27 PM

  Chex largely delights
  but with the good comes evil
  Bran Chex, baked in Hell